As the more literate of my readership know by now, Sri Lanka is at war again. This has happily coincided with my end-of-term exams, leaving me concerned about my family, business and studies. My concentration has been broken, shattered and peed on. To add to the sense of impending chaos, my mother has put my long-awaited trip to India on hold. Citing security concerns, she wants me to stay put in Colombo for the duration of my December holidays. Read that again. Slowly. She-wants-security-concerns-stay-Colombo are the keywords. She cites a (ir)rational fear that people who visit India during these troubled times are in for harassment by Colombo customs officials. I fully intend to defy her and visit the Big Brother, and I leave it to you to decide whether my neechai-ly presented logic has any merit.
I am incredibly fearful of airports and their hostile customs officials. Even though I have never done anything remotely illegal (I dont even carry contraband cigs) my hold my breath as the offical looks at my passport and then back at me. I nearly piss myself as I try to replicate the signature I have on my passport (this is extremely hard for me as I sign a different way every day). I know that the resumption of hostilities will lead to even more combative customs and immigration officials who will harass every Tamil in sight in the hope that they find a Tiger, and with him/her, the mother-lode of promotion. In short, my mother's fears are perfectly legitimate. Her hypocrisy only comes in when she insists I spend my whole holiday in sunny, suicide bombed, check-pointed Colombo.
Every half-decent horror movie stresses the need for the victim of a haunting, stabbing, cursing or insemination by demon needs to confront his/her fears to overcome them. This is exactly what I plan to do on my trip to India. I want to visit one of the loudest, most crowded places in the World, in freezing weather, and enjoy every minute of it. Having enjoyed my rowdy holiday, I want to brave the morose, under-paid and irritable customs and immigration officials back home. Completing this mission, I will truly feel like a man of the region, who can tolerate the worst stresses by twisted Sub-Continent can throw at me.
That feeling is definitly worth a couple of thousand rupees in bribes, if something does happen.
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2 comments:
hahahahahaha dude, you're equating customs with insemination by the devil? what kind of porn have YOU been watching, eh?
Dear "Anonymous" Suhrit Kumar,
Not all our fathers are Government officials. Therefore, the threat of goverment violence is far more real to us mere mortals.
However, thank you for reading. I'm willing to accept even spoilt government service children as readers.
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