I apologize to my sparse readership for not posting yesterday. I had to get a lot of work done and then attend yet another Himesh-and-Whiskey fueld party. Anyone who has ever been to an Indian party knows one thing, Indians love to party. The booze flows, the flirting is blatant, the dancing is free and the music is loud. Anyone who has helped organise a party for/with Indians knows another thing. Indians suck at organising parties. This stems from the basic fact that Indians are cheap.
On the way to the party, the organiser of the event (and birthday boy) asked me to get Coke for the party. He has already arranged to get Coke from several other (Indian) people, none of whom showed up with the amber mixer. This showcased both his, and their, cheapness. That was purely act one. Indians also believe in the dubious practice of BYOB (Bring Your Own Booze). This concept is unheard of in Sri Lanka. A person who throws a party better have his own booze (yes, even in Singapore, currency differential be fucked) or the partygoers are going to step in, wish him/her then step out. This brings me to the point of today's post. Sri Lankans can teach Indians how to party AND make money out of it. TOGETHER we will wholesale it.
Let us first establish the business fundamentals:
1. Indians have money, Sri Lankans dont. It therefore logically follows that:
2. Indians can afford to party and Sri Lankans cannot. But:
3. Sri Lankans know how to throw a good party and Indians dont. Therefore:
4. Sri Lanka should become an Indian party place, thereby freeing up Goa for the white people. Mutual benefit and multiple orgasms are to be had by all.
This is the implementation plan:
1. The new international airport at Weera-something will be used to facilitate cheap and frequent flights from India.
2. This entire area can then be made into a Tourism Zone. This means clubs and pubs galore. A legalised casino would also be a nice touch, if the local Buddhist monks are agree. I suggest that GOSL follow the American approach (to Red Indians) by offering the bald ones some equity in the casino.
3. Develop infrastructure around the airport and offer tax incentives for hotels and resorts.
4. Offer concessionary airline rates for Indian tourists (the visa on arrival scheme was a nice touch) and convince the slew of Indian domestic airlines to add Sri Lanka has a hub destination (which would also bring them closer to the SEA market).
5. Embark on a marketing campaign billing Sri Lanka has the cheapest and most happening place for Indians to holiday in.
My detractos will say this scheme is implausible as Sri Lanka is not safe at present. Well yes, but it takes five years to build the new airport anyway and my scheme can be implemented subsequently. Further, there is proof that rebranding a previosly-troubled area can be successful. The famous war-zones of Lebanon (until recently) and Serbia and Montenegro have made a name for themselves as hip locations to party with the international glitterati. James Bond himself visited Montenegro to play poker in Casino Royale.
It will might be a far off dream to host Mr. Bond in Lanka, but atleast we can atleast hope for a "Krish" or "Munna" in the years to come.
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2 comments:
Dear Anthony,
Indeed we know how to party. Anyone who's been to a CNL night or one of those beach parties that's been the talk of town in Colombo knows that we be (I thought I’ll add some ganhstah shit intah dis) party people.
But the sad bit is them Injuns got everything… from VH1 to international bands performing there all the time.
What went wrong?
Maybe it’s the war and the politicians noh?
The C.
Its the politicians, war and the very average looking chicks. I suggest we do an Ali G.
"Keep out all the Mingers at the airport"
Weeeeeeeekid :)
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