Was I imagining things or did all South Asian cricket teams gel at the same time today? In exactly the same manner?
First the Sri Lankans demolished the West Indians for 130 all out, with some ferocious pace bowling from Lasith Malinga and the practised guile of Murali, then proceeded to pile on a hefty lead of 350+ (a huge score considering the low scoring nature of the match). Later in the day, India proceeded to slog their way to 250, then with a calculated and sublime seam bowling effort reduced South Africa to nothing for six. Further down the day, back home in the sub-continent, the Pakistani pace attack struck late to keep the West Indies down to 230-ish, despite a century from Shivnarine Chanderpaul (the immigration officer who let his family leave India should be found and shot).
I think the South Asian teams have finally learned the value of technique, application and patience on bouncy tracks. Sub-conti teams have also learnt to dish out the same out/in-swingers, yorkers and bouncers that have been making them miserable just a few wees ago. Malinga, Murali, Sreesanth, Zaheer, Gul and Naved have shown that Sub-conti bowling attacks are far from tooth-less and can actually be match winners, especially when the much vaunted brown batting line-ups arent exactly in the best of form. That being said, select batting stars have also gotten the measure of the bouncy wickets on offer in New Zealand and the West Indies. Most notable among these these are Kumar Sangakara and Sachin Tendulkar who are in blistering form, though both slightly unlikely in their most recent innings.
In summary, South Asian teams seem to be on the upswing and we can only hope that they maintain this momentum and peak during the World Cup. A repeat of the dismal Champions Trophy performances would really be an insult to Cricket's largest fan-base.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
India Rocks...but...Part 1
I've just returned from the mothership, the mainland, the land of the Blue Billion. India is truly a vast and amazing place. It is diverse to a head-splitting extreme from the Leela Palace Hotel resplendent between two shady buildings in Banglore to the Sikh businessmen in a Hugo Boss suit calmly stepping over a weepy, deformed beggar. But these are all cliches you've heard before, from countless writers: novelists, traveller, businessmen and journalists. Most of these distinguished folk are far more gifted pensmen than I am, so I will spare you my Indian metaphors. But I do want to share with you my far more easily expressed observations on the failings of modern India.
Delhi for starters. This City of Djins is probably one of the driest, dustiest cities known to man. The fact that all public transport has been converted to LNG does not hide the fact that the single-minded pursuit of power, money and position has trumped environmental concerns since the city's inceptions. The city looks brown from the air and the expected dustbowl materialises as soon as one steps out of the international joke that is Indira Gandhi International Airport (it is puny, dirty, inefficient and the security would give the most lax Sri Lankan official the runs). The air hangs thick with an exotic cocktail of fine dust, exhaust fumes and all manner of organic smells. I contracted a cough the day I landed and it has not left me yet. Late at night, the environment of Delhi decides that strangulation is not vile enough revenge on its pesky human inhabitants, and the air congeals into the oft-quoted "fog". These three letters scarely begins to describe the solid wall of dangerous looking gas that engulfs pedestrians, slows traffic and grounds planes.
The fog, dust and general atmospheric malaise of Delhi can all be attributed to the city's love affair with automobiles. The roads of Delhi resemble a giant Maruti factory. Even teenagers zip around in these pint-sized miracles of subsidized Indian manufacturing. These "kids" are speed demons in their own mad-cap manner. They change lanes the way normal people change socks and the sound of horns deafens even the blaring Punjabi rap emnating from most of the vehicles. The city's elder citizens crawl through the city's hour-long, sprawling, snaking traffic jams in stately, spotless luxury vehicles, earnest Ambassadors or smoke spewing second-hand-imported-sedans. An irony of Delhi (and India's) destructive car culture is that the names of the children of any family are gaily embalzoned on bumper sticks (Rahul and Rani are apparently very common names in India), while the fuel-stained spewings of the family vehicle destroy those very children's present and future health. Private citizens of Delhi may take offence at my critique of Delhi's car culture and respond that the city's public transport infrastructure is inadequate, unsafe and unhealthy. This is true, but in the words of a journalist I recently met, I am simply describing, not proscribing.
Apparently the water in Delhi is also undrinkable, resulting in the famed "Delhi Belly". The description of this dreaded affliction caused me to live with dry lips over my four day stay in the city. Despite these precautions though, I still contracted The Belly from street food eaten the day before I left to Goa. An entire day in paradise was wasted vomiting and purging, then sleeping off the resulting dehydration and exhaustion. The one useful tidbit of advice I can offer an traveller to Delhi is: Dont be Cheap. The city has excellent restaurants serving every cuisine available, please shell out and save yourself hours of agony. Ofcoure the more adventurous of you will ignore my advice and try street food come what may, for its smell, colour and taste entice you like the most buxom of Bollywood starlets. Then again, there are also idiots who base-jump for the same sort of cheap thrill. To each his own.
For the by-now-engraged Delhi-ite reading my blog, I have come to the end of my discussion of the failings of India's capital city, literally its gateway to the wider world. I really did love the city, for the beauty of its buildings and people, for the exquisiteness of its food, for the vibrancy of its colours, for the vitality of its roads and markets, the value and range of its shopping and the warmth and hospitality of my Delhi-ite friends. But, as in India in general, the greatness of Delhi is simply the iron will of Indians trying to make do with a badly planned, poorly policed and broadly incorrigible city who's form and growth is far, far beyond their control. The citizens of Delhi have to take control over a city they so clearly-dearly love, to ensure that businessmen, tourists and Indians themselves can be welcomed by a truly global Capital.
Delhi for starters. This City of Djins is probably one of the driest, dustiest cities known to man. The fact that all public transport has been converted to LNG does not hide the fact that the single-minded pursuit of power, money and position has trumped environmental concerns since the city's inceptions. The city looks brown from the air and the expected dustbowl materialises as soon as one steps out of the international joke that is Indira Gandhi International Airport (it is puny, dirty, inefficient and the security would give the most lax Sri Lankan official the runs). The air hangs thick with an exotic cocktail of fine dust, exhaust fumes and all manner of organic smells. I contracted a cough the day I landed and it has not left me yet. Late at night, the environment of Delhi decides that strangulation is not vile enough revenge on its pesky human inhabitants, and the air congeals into the oft-quoted "fog". These three letters scarely begins to describe the solid wall of dangerous looking gas that engulfs pedestrians, slows traffic and grounds planes.
The fog, dust and general atmospheric malaise of Delhi can all be attributed to the city's love affair with automobiles. The roads of Delhi resemble a giant Maruti factory. Even teenagers zip around in these pint-sized miracles of subsidized Indian manufacturing. These "kids" are speed demons in their own mad-cap manner. They change lanes the way normal people change socks and the sound of horns deafens even the blaring Punjabi rap emnating from most of the vehicles. The city's elder citizens crawl through the city's hour-long, sprawling, snaking traffic jams in stately, spotless luxury vehicles, earnest Ambassadors or smoke spewing second-hand-imported-sedans. An irony of Delhi (and India's) destructive car culture is that the names of the children of any family are gaily embalzoned on bumper sticks (Rahul and Rani are apparently very common names in India), while the fuel-stained spewings of the family vehicle destroy those very children's present and future health. Private citizens of Delhi may take offence at my critique of Delhi's car culture and respond that the city's public transport infrastructure is inadequate, unsafe and unhealthy. This is true, but in the words of a journalist I recently met, I am simply describing, not proscribing.
Apparently the water in Delhi is also undrinkable, resulting in the famed "Delhi Belly". The description of this dreaded affliction caused me to live with dry lips over my four day stay in the city. Despite these precautions though, I still contracted The Belly from street food eaten the day before I left to Goa. An entire day in paradise was wasted vomiting and purging, then sleeping off the resulting dehydration and exhaustion. The one useful tidbit of advice I can offer an traveller to Delhi is: Dont be Cheap. The city has excellent restaurants serving every cuisine available, please shell out and save yourself hours of agony. Ofcoure the more adventurous of you will ignore my advice and try street food come what may, for its smell, colour and taste entice you like the most buxom of Bollywood starlets. Then again, there are also idiots who base-jump for the same sort of cheap thrill. To each his own.
For the by-now-engraged Delhi-ite reading my blog, I have come to the end of my discussion of the failings of India's capital city, literally its gateway to the wider world. I really did love the city, for the beauty of its buildings and people, for the exquisiteness of its food, for the vibrancy of its colours, for the vitality of its roads and markets, the value and range of its shopping and the warmth and hospitality of my Delhi-ite friends. But, as in India in general, the greatness of Delhi is simply the iron will of Indians trying to make do with a badly planned, poorly policed and broadly incorrigible city who's form and growth is far, far beyond their control. The citizens of Delhi have to take control over a city they so clearly-dearly love, to ensure that businessmen, tourists and Indians themselves can be welcomed by a truly global Capital.
Wednesday, December 6, 2006
Peace and its Perils - More lessons from Nepal?
Though peace seems a distance prospect in Sri Lanka, a recent BBC article on Nepal really got me thinking. Apparently the Moaists rebels, especially "empowered teens", refuse to give up their weapons, even when expressly ordered to do so. They say that they have grown to like the gun culture and see weapons as the source of their respect and legitimacy and thus, giving up their weapons is the same as surrendering. They have thus far resisted the rehabilititation process to the point of "threatening rehabilitation workers" and "hiding knives in their beds".
I see disturbing parrallels with the Sri Lankan scenario in that both sides employ vast legions of very young soliders, who's dreary, poverty-wracked lives have been uplifted and given meaning and respectability by fighting the good fight. The LTTE cadres will be worst hit by peace, as they will have lay down their arms and try to integrate themselves in a country that, at best, think they are all a bit mad. Further, carrying a gun and being part of the world's best terrorist organisation and one of the largest drug smugglers is South Asia is much easier than growing rice or chilli in Trinco, or studying Computer Science in Jaffna. There is atleast a reward for the risk.
It is clear that former terrorists will have to be rehabilitated into an economic, social and political system that they abandoned in the first place. It will be not enough to simply devolve power to the big-wigs and political apparatus of Terrorist groups, the demands on the grassroots cadre will have to be addressed and actually provided for. If not, hopes for peace could disintegrate into a thousand personal wars.
For some of my readers, all this TLC for former terrorists might sound shocking coming from me. Let me assure I am not their side. How any terrorist organsiation comes to the negotiating table (except in surrender), is a perversion of civilised human conduct and undermines the legitimacy of a country's entire political and legal system. But we live in times where great prosperity greets times of peace and great hardship results from war. We therefore have to embrace peace. At any cost.
I see disturbing parrallels with the Sri Lankan scenario in that both sides employ vast legions of very young soliders, who's dreary, poverty-wracked lives have been uplifted and given meaning and respectability by fighting the good fight. The LTTE cadres will be worst hit by peace, as they will have lay down their arms and try to integrate themselves in a country that, at best, think they are all a bit mad. Further, carrying a gun and being part of the world's best terrorist organisation and one of the largest drug smugglers is South Asia is much easier than growing rice or chilli in Trinco, or studying Computer Science in Jaffna. There is atleast a reward for the risk.
It is clear that former terrorists will have to be rehabilitated into an economic, social and political system that they abandoned in the first place. It will be not enough to simply devolve power to the big-wigs and political apparatus of Terrorist groups, the demands on the grassroots cadre will have to be addressed and actually provided for. If not, hopes for peace could disintegrate into a thousand personal wars.
For some of my readers, all this TLC for former terrorists might sound shocking coming from me. Let me assure I am not their side. How any terrorist organsiation comes to the negotiating table (except in surrender), is a perversion of civilised human conduct and undermines the legitimacy of a country's entire political and legal system. But we live in times where great prosperity greets times of peace and great hardship results from war. We therefore have to embrace peace. At any cost.
Emergency Law imposed - Repressive or Required?
The next few months will be a testing time for ordinary Sri Lankans as the security forces have been given sweeping powers to stop, question, arrest and interrogate anyone they deem a threat to national security. In summary, its a hardcore version of the U.S anti-terror bill. The results on Colombo life will be grave.
Tamil people in Colombo are already edgy from the one-every-three-km security stops, and the imposition of the Emergency Law will do nothing to relieve the tension. I think we'll see a huge decrease in the night-time festivities and other outdoor socialising. Further, my pet peeve of airport security and customs will be be exacerbated as the security forces take every effort to root out terrorism in the commercial and tourist nerve centre of the country.
I am really torn on this law. On the personal level, as Tamil on holiday in Sri Lanka and who will be holidaying in India, I am extremely concerned. I expect to be harassed or question at every turn. As a Sri Lankan though, I feel sad to say that there is really no other choice for the Sri Lankan government. Fighting an enemy that uses suicide bombers and sleeper cells, really involves treating every citizen as a potential combatant.
I pray that the Sri Lankan security forces show restraint and do their job in an efficient and civilized manner. I also hope that nothing untoward happens to any citizen of Sri Lanka, Tamil or Sinhala. The one thing our country doesn't need is more people bearing grudges.
Tamil people in Colombo are already edgy from the one-every-three-km security stops, and the imposition of the Emergency Law will do nothing to relieve the tension. I think we'll see a huge decrease in the night-time festivities and other outdoor socialising. Further, my pet peeve of airport security and customs will be be exacerbated as the security forces take every effort to root out terrorism in the commercial and tourist nerve centre of the country.
I am really torn on this law. On the personal level, as Tamil on holiday in Sri Lanka and who will be holidaying in India, I am extremely concerned. I expect to be harassed or question at every turn. As a Sri Lankan though, I feel sad to say that there is really no other choice for the Sri Lankan government. Fighting an enemy that uses suicide bombers and sleeper cells, really involves treating every citizen as a potential combatant.
I pray that the Sri Lankan security forces show restraint and do their job in an efficient and civilized manner. I also hope that nothing untoward happens to any citizen of Sri Lanka, Tamil or Sinhala. The one thing our country doesn't need is more people bearing grudges.
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
Off to see Big Brother...aja aja aja aaaaaah
In the middle of Colombo, there is a huge poster of Mahinda Rajapakse shaking hands with Manmohan Singh, with a caption that reads "New strong relationship with Big Brother". This poster is a symbol of the new spirit of Indo-Lanka ties. Sri Lanka no longer gets to deride India as its struggling, rustic, poverty-ridden neighbour, but rather has/is forced to recognise/use its superpower neighbour. Big Brother really does watch over us all in South Asia these days.
I'm off to see the newer, richer Goonda on the block come Thursday. The ticket has finally been purchased. I will be landing in Delhi on the 7th afternoon. By the 7th night I should be eating Punajabi-by-Nature food and head-bobbing to Jalaakthikaaajaaaaaaaaa. The 8th should bring a hangover and new experiences as I travel to Agra, to see the Taj Mahal, the most magnificent monument to love and most convincing argument for birth control (Mumtaz Mahal died giving birth to her 14th child). Sunrise on the 9th will see my jetting to the most sun-kissed of Indian Shores, Goa. After venerating the never-decaying body of St. Francis Xavier, its off to the beaches, pubs and raves for a not entirely spiritual 3 evenings. I will be returning to Delhi on the 12th and catching the next flight to see the loved one and other friends in Bangalore. Or Bengaluru. In the city of boiled beans, I will most probably be catching up on Tamil and Telugu television, my friends in that city not being the most happening people in town. Or they might surprise me. I could very well be sipping Black Russians in the FTV bar for all I know. Mystery and pleasures of the flesh await and abound. On the 15th, its back to Delhi and a race to the airport to catch my flight back to Colombo.
Like any true expatriate, I am as home sick in Colomob as I am in Singapore (well maybe a BIT less). In light of my recent Desi-isation, I hope that India will make feel at home for a while. I will be sure to keep you guys informed, so watch this space.
I'm off to see the newer, richer Goonda on the block come Thursday. The ticket has finally been purchased. I will be landing in Delhi on the 7th afternoon. By the 7th night I should be eating Punajabi-by-Nature food and head-bobbing to Jalaakthikaaajaaaaaaaaa. The 8th should bring a hangover and new experiences as I travel to Agra, to see the Taj Mahal, the most magnificent monument to love and most convincing argument for birth control (Mumtaz Mahal died giving birth to her 14th child). Sunrise on the 9th will see my jetting to the most sun-kissed of Indian Shores, Goa. After venerating the never-decaying body of St. Francis Xavier, its off to the beaches, pubs and raves for a not entirely spiritual 3 evenings. I will be returning to Delhi on the 12th and catching the next flight to see the loved one and other friends in Bangalore. Or Bengaluru. In the city of boiled beans, I will most probably be catching up on Tamil and Telugu television, my friends in that city not being the most happening people in town. Or they might surprise me. I could very well be sipping Black Russians in the FTV bar for all I know. Mystery and pleasures of the flesh await and abound. On the 15th, its back to Delhi and a race to the airport to catch my flight back to Colombo.
Like any true expatriate, I am as home sick in Colomob as I am in Singapore (well maybe a BIT less). In light of my recent Desi-isation, I hope that India will make feel at home for a while. I will be sure to keep you guys informed, so watch this space.
Akhtar and Asif back - but is it fair?
A three man Pakistan Cricket Board tribunal has decided, 2 to 1, that Akhtar and Asif had unknowingly consumed steroids as part of their supplement dosage. While I am overjoyed at the prospect of Pakistani pacemen force-feeding Aussie and South African batsmen some of their own medicine, I have serious reservations about the effects the PCB's unilateral decision will have on doping in cricket:
1. The PCB has unilaterally declared Akhtar and Asif not-guilty of doping. The ICC has yet to even comment on the matter and the World Anti-Doping Agency is toothless in this jurisdiction. Does this mean that any cricket board can exonerate their players of doping charges? That too without unanimity, but rather 2-1 in 3 man tribunal. What if Tendulkar is caught cheating, or Jayasuriya. Surely the respective boards would love to save their careers and the team's chances. Shouldn't the ICC be the body with the final say on this matter.
2. Asian teams risk losing the goodwill of other teams in the sport. We got our way with Darrell Hair. If we want cricket to remain non-politicised, South Asian teams should be more responsible when playing by the rules. Akhtar and Asif were found with banned substances in their body. The fact that they may have not knowingly ingested them, is a failure of the Pakistani Cricket establishment and not really the concern of the ICC, or the other teams.
3. I can see Akhtar and Asif being sledged and abused if they play again. While this would still be untoward and unseemly, it would be very hard to fault the other teams. This creates deadlock and an atomosphere that is completely against the spirit of cricket.
4. It sets a ridiculous precedent. If Asif and Akhtar have their bans lifted, it will be plain for all to see that stars, South Asian stars, do not get punished for doping. Given the current miserable state of Indian and Sri Lankan cricket, could a doped-out Suresh Raina or Attapatu (two players in dire need of help) be next?
Asif and Akhtar may be indispensable to Pakistani cricket, but are they really worth ruining the whole game for?
1. The PCB has unilaterally declared Akhtar and Asif not-guilty of doping. The ICC has yet to even comment on the matter and the World Anti-Doping Agency is toothless in this jurisdiction. Does this mean that any cricket board can exonerate their players of doping charges? That too without unanimity, but rather 2-1 in 3 man tribunal. What if Tendulkar is caught cheating, or Jayasuriya. Surely the respective boards would love to save their careers and the team's chances. Shouldn't the ICC be the body with the final say on this matter.
2. Asian teams risk losing the goodwill of other teams in the sport. We got our way with Darrell Hair. If we want cricket to remain non-politicised, South Asian teams should be more responsible when playing by the rules. Akhtar and Asif were found with banned substances in their body. The fact that they may have not knowingly ingested them, is a failure of the Pakistani Cricket establishment and not really the concern of the ICC, or the other teams.
3. I can see Akhtar and Asif being sledged and abused if they play again. While this would still be untoward and unseemly, it would be very hard to fault the other teams. This creates deadlock and an atomosphere that is completely against the spirit of cricket.
4. It sets a ridiculous precedent. If Asif and Akhtar have their bans lifted, it will be plain for all to see that stars, South Asian stars, do not get punished for doping. Given the current miserable state of Indian and Sri Lankan cricket, could a doped-out Suresh Raina or Attapatu (two players in dire need of help) be next?
Asif and Akhtar may be indispensable to Pakistani cricket, but are they really worth ruining the whole game for?
Australian Cricket - a great kick up the arse for the rest
Anyone who watched Australia turn the 2nd Ashes test against England, in the last day no less, has to be getting closer to Aussie fan-hood, mate. What a game. What a team. Nine wickets and 169 runs in one day. I sat in shock throughout the entire spectacle.
The day opened with Warne spinning rings around the English batsmen. When Pieterson got bowled around his legs attempting a sweep, it was plain to see that Warne was back. He lifted the entire side, his enthusiasm having a visible effect on the more sedate McGrath and Clarke. The English were bundled out like a beggar out of a five start hotel.
The Aussie reply was nothing short of clinical. Langer signalled the Aussie plan of action by hoiking the first ball for four. What followed was pure channelled agression as the Aussies made England the butt of yet another dismal record. England's first innings score was the highest scored by a losing side in a Test match. Flintoff must be scratching his head raw and crying himself to sleep has he reflects on this most resounding displays of Aussie power.
I normally cannot stand Aussie cricket. It is loud, boorish and overly efficient. Aussie batsmen are ugly, all singles ticking over and hubris and its bowlers overly talkative and irritating. Even master craftsmen like Warne and McGrath sully the beauty of their work by excessive appealing and jawing at the batsmen. They dont have a Tendulkar, a de Silva, a Miandad. But they have a team, a unit, a veritable cricketing army. And can they play, oh hell can they play. Australia has delivered a telling warning to all other teams in the build-up for the World Cup. The Superpower can only be beaten with Nuclear Weapons.
Speaking of the World Cup, I feel that Aussie cricket needs another vote of thanks for its fans. While Aussie cricketers force everyone else to lift their game, their rabid fans bring in money by the million. Aussie stadiums are packed to the rafters by fans clamouring to see Australia beat another team black and blue. Their sledging and abusing aside, their money keeps the game's treasuries ticking over with the second most valuable and most commonly spent currency in world cricket (the Aussie dollar is a singularly ugly currency though, a shame). The passion for cricket is alive and well in the Land Down Under, and its a postive sign for the future of the game.
Australia and its fans have set a standard for committment to the game. Lets just hope that our Brown Boys can even compete against the fighting Kangaroos come West Indies 2007.
The day opened with Warne spinning rings around the English batsmen. When Pieterson got bowled around his legs attempting a sweep, it was plain to see that Warne was back. He lifted the entire side, his enthusiasm having a visible effect on the more sedate McGrath and Clarke. The English were bundled out like a beggar out of a five start hotel.
The Aussie reply was nothing short of clinical. Langer signalled the Aussie plan of action by hoiking the first ball for four. What followed was pure channelled agression as the Aussies made England the butt of yet another dismal record. England's first innings score was the highest scored by a losing side in a Test match. Flintoff must be scratching his head raw and crying himself to sleep has he reflects on this most resounding displays of Aussie power.
I normally cannot stand Aussie cricket. It is loud, boorish and overly efficient. Aussie batsmen are ugly, all singles ticking over and hubris and its bowlers overly talkative and irritating. Even master craftsmen like Warne and McGrath sully the beauty of their work by excessive appealing and jawing at the batsmen. They dont have a Tendulkar, a de Silva, a Miandad. But they have a team, a unit, a veritable cricketing army. And can they play, oh hell can they play. Australia has delivered a telling warning to all other teams in the build-up for the World Cup. The Superpower can only be beaten with Nuclear Weapons.
Speaking of the World Cup, I feel that Aussie cricket needs another vote of thanks for its fans. While Aussie cricketers force everyone else to lift their game, their rabid fans bring in money by the million. Aussie stadiums are packed to the rafters by fans clamouring to see Australia beat another team black and blue. Their sledging and abusing aside, their money keeps the game's treasuries ticking over with the second most valuable and most commonly spent currency in world cricket (the Aussie dollar is a singularly ugly currency though, a shame). The passion for cricket is alive and well in the Land Down Under, and its a postive sign for the future of the game.
Australia and its fans have set a standard for committment to the game. Lets just hope that our Brown Boys can even compete against the fighting Kangaroos come West Indies 2007.
Monday, December 4, 2006
Condoning Colonisation...an enduring South Asian folly
My mother is fond of saying that the British should have never left Sri Lanka. She says that they left us with their universal language, functioning roads and railways and an excellent system of Government. From the title of my post, you can probably discern that I violently disagree. My mother's argument, though oft-repeated by the most intellectual South Asians you will ever meet, is utter bollocks.
It presupposes that South Asians are genetically incapable of building decent infrastructure, using their language for business or governing themselves. It also uses the evidence of the present to justify this false glorification of a terrible past. My reply to this foolishness is that the present is so miserable because the British left it that way. Hundreds of years of looting and "one-against-another" power politics does not leave a nation stronger, it leaves it divided and physically, culturally and economically raped. The British didnt build their infrastructure to help anyone, they built it to help them steal. The British left their language behind so that generations of ass-kissers could kiss ass without the British having to learn the local language. The British left their excellent system of Government behind to justify the cruelties and injustices they heaped up on the people according to a system on the pliant elite understood.
Ofcoure the elite in South Asia will never agree to my argument. They, we, I, have been fed and fattened, distanced from the rif-raff, by the giant wall that is the English language. The lower-caste, the godeyas, the tribals dont have its magical powers, we do. We have spent the last 50 yrs or so after independence further strengthening these inequalities. In fact, we have even used the divisions the British left us (between Hindu and Muslim, Sinhala and Tamil) to pursue policies that maintain power within the English-speaking elite (which is always curiously composed of members from every community, happily accumulating Pounds Sterling). South Asians remain as divided (or more so) as the British found us and later left us, only along different cleavages.
The current generation is not exempted from this attempt at using English as a boot on the neck of national culture and the poor, uneducated majority of South Asia. We do not harbour any ambitions to teach our countrymen English, to share our magical knowledge, but rather we laugh at them as villagers who are not part of the "Globalised World".
This is all in stark contrast to the South East Asians (not including Singapore), Chinese and Japanese. They have never learned English in the same way that South Asians have. They produce no Booker Prize winners, no Nobel Prize winners for Literature, no blockbuster movies half-in-English-half-in-Hindi. We look down upon them for "their lack of creativity". I would argue that they use the West for the only thing the West is good for, trade and the production of nice things. Each of these nations treats the defeat of colonisation as a great and important national event, and I have yet to meet a citizen of these countries who wishes that the British never left.
We have a lot to learn from the chinky-eyed, yellow people that we share a giant continent with. I just hope that we pick up Mandarin as well as we have picked up English.
It presupposes that South Asians are genetically incapable of building decent infrastructure, using their language for business or governing themselves. It also uses the evidence of the present to justify this false glorification of a terrible past. My reply to this foolishness is that the present is so miserable because the British left it that way. Hundreds of years of looting and "one-against-another" power politics does not leave a nation stronger, it leaves it divided and physically, culturally and economically raped. The British didnt build their infrastructure to help anyone, they built it to help them steal. The British left their language behind so that generations of ass-kissers could kiss ass without the British having to learn the local language. The British left their excellent system of Government behind to justify the cruelties and injustices they heaped up on the people according to a system on the pliant elite understood.
Ofcoure the elite in South Asia will never agree to my argument. They, we, I, have been fed and fattened, distanced from the rif-raff, by the giant wall that is the English language. The lower-caste, the godeyas, the tribals dont have its magical powers, we do. We have spent the last 50 yrs or so after independence further strengthening these inequalities. In fact, we have even used the divisions the British left us (between Hindu and Muslim, Sinhala and Tamil) to pursue policies that maintain power within the English-speaking elite (which is always curiously composed of members from every community, happily accumulating Pounds Sterling). South Asians remain as divided (or more so) as the British found us and later left us, only along different cleavages.
The current generation is not exempted from this attempt at using English as a boot on the neck of national culture and the poor, uneducated majority of South Asia. We do not harbour any ambitions to teach our countrymen English, to share our magical knowledge, but rather we laugh at them as villagers who are not part of the "Globalised World".
This is all in stark contrast to the South East Asians (not including Singapore), Chinese and Japanese. They have never learned English in the same way that South Asians have. They produce no Booker Prize winners, no Nobel Prize winners for Literature, no blockbuster movies half-in-English-half-in-Hindi. We look down upon them for "their lack of creativity". I would argue that they use the West for the only thing the West is good for, trade and the production of nice things. Each of these nations treats the defeat of colonisation as a great and important national event, and I have yet to meet a citizen of these countries who wishes that the British never left.
We have a lot to learn from the chinky-eyed, yellow people that we share a giant continent with. I just hope that we pick up Mandarin as well as we have picked up English.
Counterfeiting combats Colonisation
Recently the fad of denouncing "fakes, copies, imitations and knock-offs" has become a popular sport with the well heeled South Asian community. These Friedman loving, English-educated, free marketeers think that "faking" is ruining the world's trading system and undermining intellectual property rights around the world. At the same time, US trade officials suppress a chuckle about free trade, and are preparing to subsidise produce growers (people who grow garlic, onions, olives and other foodstuffs of variable quality) in addition to commodities subsidies they already offer on cotton and wheat. This interesting intersection of South Asian stupidity and Western political acumen gave me an idea on how to reverse the wrongs of colonisation.
All of us, atleast in public, deride the damage inflicted on the world by colonisation. But none of us do anything about it. Actually, I think we do. The formerly colonised world is the epicenter of the world's counterfeiting "epidemic". I think there is ironic justice and a great deal of sense in this. I base my arguments on the following points:
1. The Western world's colonisation resulted in a massive loss of resources and human capital which would have been (even taking into account corruption, mismanangement and all other cock) invested into the development of science, technology and creativity. The colonised peoples of this world are today churning out inventions, studies and designs in all MNCs and Western universities, so there is no good reason to believe that they couldn't have done it on their own. To make up for the giant shove backwards that the West inflicted on us, I believe that faking their technology, designs and science is a legitimate way forward. Our people deserve to leave better, healthier and more comfortable lives. The open and mass-scale stealing of intellectual property has served the populations of India, China and Malaysia well and built up the economies of Singapore, Hong Kong and Taiwan. I feel that this sudden bone-headed move into the criminalisation of copyright will just stop development in its tracks. People will have to buy over priced books, education, technology, medicine and clothing all to maintain the silly legalese of "intellectual property". Erm, India wants to charge for the use of the zero, the Chinese wants royalties on gunpowder and the Arabs would like marine navigation please.
2. The colonised world today is placed brilliantly to avoid "retaliation" from Western countries. Imagine the US or UK imposing trade embargoes on India or China. The concept is laughable. In the first place, most of these "copyrighted" goods is made in the formerly-colonised world. We could just term it "technology transfer", as the Chinese cynically do. In fact I think their "you want our market, share you're skills" philosophy is the best business strategy for nations dealing with Western companies struggling for growth.
3. The thought of millions of people living in poverty or dying of diseases because MS Word or HIV medication is too expensive is just sickening. The advent of intellectual property added momentum to the already destructive forces of free marketeering. Today the software wallahs and pharmaceutical dons of India/China/Brazil export "property" that could easily save the lives of millions of their countrymen and earn them millions as well.
I am not suggesting that the colonised peoples of this world steal indiscriminately and prevent retribution by force (economic or otherwise). That would just make us as bad as them. But we should let them know that if they want our markets, they'll have to share their technology. At most, it should at long last re-balance the inequities of armed colonisation. At the very least, we should use this opportunity to show the West that you cannot enjoy a free lunch forever.
All of us, atleast in public, deride the damage inflicted on the world by colonisation. But none of us do anything about it. Actually, I think we do. The formerly colonised world is the epicenter of the world's counterfeiting "epidemic". I think there is ironic justice and a great deal of sense in this. I base my arguments on the following points:
1. The Western world's colonisation resulted in a massive loss of resources and human capital which would have been (even taking into account corruption, mismanangement and all other cock) invested into the development of science, technology and creativity. The colonised peoples of this world are today churning out inventions, studies and designs in all MNCs and Western universities, so there is no good reason to believe that they couldn't have done it on their own. To make up for the giant shove backwards that the West inflicted on us, I believe that faking their technology, designs and science is a legitimate way forward. Our people deserve to leave better, healthier and more comfortable lives. The open and mass-scale stealing of intellectual property has served the populations of India, China and Malaysia well and built up the economies of Singapore, Hong Kong and Taiwan. I feel that this sudden bone-headed move into the criminalisation of copyright will just stop development in its tracks. People will have to buy over priced books, education, technology, medicine and clothing all to maintain the silly legalese of "intellectual property". Erm, India wants to charge for the use of the zero, the Chinese wants royalties on gunpowder and the Arabs would like marine navigation please.
2. The colonised world today is placed brilliantly to avoid "retaliation" from Western countries. Imagine the US or UK imposing trade embargoes on India or China. The concept is laughable. In the first place, most of these "copyrighted" goods is made in the formerly-colonised world. We could just term it "technology transfer", as the Chinese cynically do. In fact I think their "you want our market, share you're skills" philosophy is the best business strategy for nations dealing with Western companies struggling for growth.
3. The thought of millions of people living in poverty or dying of diseases because MS Word or HIV medication is too expensive is just sickening. The advent of intellectual property added momentum to the already destructive forces of free marketeering. Today the software wallahs and pharmaceutical dons of India/China/Brazil export "property" that could easily save the lives of millions of their countrymen and earn them millions as well.
I am not suggesting that the colonised peoples of this world steal indiscriminately and prevent retribution by force (economic or otherwise). That would just make us as bad as them. But we should let them know that if they want our markets, they'll have to share their technology. At most, it should at long last re-balance the inequities of armed colonisation. At the very least, we should use this opportunity to show the West that you cannot enjoy a free lunch forever.
American Hypocrisy over Human Rights
Just days after the UN's resident genius Allan Rock rebuked the GOSL for assisting Karuna in recruiting child soldiers, I see this on IHT:
http://www.iht.com/articles/2006/12/04/america/web.1204detain.php?page=1
The article talks about the conditions suffered by detainess in the U.S. These people have not been charged and have not been tried. The public has no idea about the nature of their alleged crimes, the circumstances of their arrest and until now, the conditions of their incarceration.
I want you to read the entire article, so I am not going to talk about it all. After reading the article, please remember that the EU has also admitted to such prisions, then reflect on whether the Western World can really afford to talk down to even North Korea about human rights. Let alone Sri Lanka.
"Hypocrisy" does not even begin to express the situation.
http://www.iht.com/articles/2006/12/04/america/web.1204detain.php?page=1
The article talks about the conditions suffered by detainess in the U.S. These people have not been charged and have not been tried. The public has no idea about the nature of their alleged crimes, the circumstances of their arrest and until now, the conditions of their incarceration.
I want you to read the entire article, so I am not going to talk about it all. After reading the article, please remember that the EU has also admitted to such prisions, then reflect on whether the Western World can really afford to talk down to even North Korea about human rights. Let alone Sri Lanka.
"Hypocrisy" does not even begin to express the situation.
Yousuf - Islam as it is meant to be
Mohammed Yousuf aka Yousuf Youhana has had a banner cricketing year. He has been the bedrock of the Pakistani middle order and set Pakistani and International records for runs scored in a year and centuries in a year. He has been compared to Vivian Richards, Javed Miandad and Inzie. But it isnt his talent that has won him the most accolades, it is his humility and quiet devoutness.
After initially struggling with his new religion (Yousuf is a Catholic converted to Islam), which was reflected his batting, he was finally come to terms with the demands and joys of his faith. He openly attributes Islam to improving his batting by giving him peace of mind, faith and concentration. Yet this is not the grating, "Praise be to Allah" statements made famous by Pakistani cricketers over the years. Yousuf simply states fact. There is no preachy, jihadi or evangelist tone in his thanks to God for his success.
He has also shown remarkable humility by rejecting comparisons with the game's greats, Pakistani and otherwise. He recognises that he has a long way to go before being even Pakistan's best batsman. This humility is rare in a South Asian batsmen and I feel that it will stand him in good stead in the volatile and cut-throat world of Pakistani cricket.
I have always loved Pakistani cricket and I am joyful that they have found form so close to the World Cup. If there is one person besides Mahela Jayawardene I want to see lift up the Cup, it will be the shy, overly bearded, Yousuf. After the debacles of Asif and Akhtar, Pakistan Cricket has finally found a hero to be proud of.
After initially struggling with his new religion (Yousuf is a Catholic converted to Islam), which was reflected his batting, he was finally come to terms with the demands and joys of his faith. He openly attributes Islam to improving his batting by giving him peace of mind, faith and concentration. Yet this is not the grating, "Praise be to Allah" statements made famous by Pakistani cricketers over the years. Yousuf simply states fact. There is no preachy, jihadi or evangelist tone in his thanks to God for his success.
He has also shown remarkable humility by rejecting comparisons with the game's greats, Pakistani and otherwise. He recognises that he has a long way to go before being even Pakistan's best batsman. This humility is rare in a South Asian batsmen and I feel that it will stand him in good stead in the volatile and cut-throat world of Pakistani cricket.
I have always loved Pakistani cricket and I am joyful that they have found form so close to the World Cup. If there is one person besides Mahela Jayawardene I want to see lift up the Cup, it will be the shy, overly bearded, Yousuf. After the debacles of Asif and Akhtar, Pakistan Cricket has finally found a hero to be proud of.
Hopes for the Sri Lankan tour of NZ
Our boys have landed with a bang in Kiwi-land. Though bad weather forced a draw in the 3 day game against Otago, Sri Lanka should be pleased that every batsmen in the team got some serious time out in the middle. This was especially good newes for our vulnerable middle order with the new guns firing on all cylinders. The Srinath-decapitated Lanka Silva is finally back with his mix of flamboyant batting and verbal cacaphony.
I think we might have a good chance of being the second South Asian team to have a good showing overseas. The series nicely coincides with my India trip, so humiliating the Indians (further) will be very convinient. The NZ pitches may be green and mean, but with our batting line up looking good, one wonders if Bond and friends will be able to find their stride. They just might have to resort to search for lost balls amongst the sheep droppings as Jaya, Sanga and company come into form.
All my Lankan readers would do well to emulate me: go out and get an SL cricket jersey and scream, clap and cheer as we use the Kiwi to polish our shoes. The SL cricket team is the one national insitution we can all be proud of and is worthy of our support.
I think we might have a good chance of being the second South Asian team to have a good showing overseas. The series nicely coincides with my India trip, so humiliating the Indians (further) will be very convinient. The NZ pitches may be green and mean, but with our batting line up looking good, one wonders if Bond and friends will be able to find their stride. They just might have to resort to search for lost balls amongst the sheep droppings as Jaya, Sanga and company come into form.
All my Lankan readers would do well to emulate me: go out and get an SL cricket jersey and scream, clap and cheer as we use the Kiwi to polish our shoes. The SL cricket team is the one national insitution we can all be proud of and is worthy of our support.
Conflict Resumes
Being stopped at thrice at security checkpoints over the few km from the airport to my house, told me that all was not well in the Emerald Isle. In fact, we are heading very steadily back to total war. Following an attempt on the life of Rajapakse's brother in the heart of Colombo (near my beloved Mango Tree restaurant), the GOSL is reconsidering its relationship with the LTTE. In other words, they are wondering if they should ban it and attempt to kill it. To ease their decision making, they have ordered that Norway cease discussions with the LTTE. This renders that benevolent fishing nation an outsider to the entire process and leaves both sides happily at each other's throats.
We should have all seen this coming when Uncle Prabha issued his idiotic Heroes Day speech. He was calling for the elusive Tamil nation of Eelam again, claiming the "Sinhala chauvanists" had left the Tamil people with little choice at a "turning point" in their history. I agree with a brilliant editorial in The Hindu, which exposes this nonsense for the deranged bollocks that it is. The Tamil people and all other parties to the Sri Lankan conflict have heard this speech before, to the point of deja vu. Anything short of Eelam was never on the cards for Prabha, the GOSL was just negotiating so that he might one day die of fatigue at the negotiating table, as Mr. Balasingam is apparently going to do. Yes, I made fun of a person having cancer, you can kindly take SQ 468 and suck my balls if you think I am going to have any sympathy for a Tiger, cancer-riddled or not. The Tamil people have also heard of these turning points before. In reality, they are not at all involved in any decision making process. Instead the LTTE makes decisions for them, like the Kasparov-like decision to try and blow up the President's brother. The masterstroke has put the Sinhala chauvanists firmly back in control of what was looking increasinly like a secular polity. With almost the same level of planning as an LTTE attack, the raving loony mobs of the JVP and JHU were out in force asking that the Tigers be banned and the nation go back to war.
What is worrying is how hard it is to argue with them now. The nation and the international community are being made fools of by Prabhakaran. The GOSL may even have been pushed to emulate his draconian security and recruitment measures. Allan Rock has given up trying to get the LTTE and has decided to pursue the easier and more vulnerable target of the GOSL. In other words, the conflict has come full circle. The Sinhalese are claiming that the LTTE is a bloody thirst bunch of scoundrels and the LTTE is claiming that the Sinhalese have no serious intentions of giving Tamils any form of meaningful representation.
All observers of the conflict will agree that both sides are right. The Sri Lankan conflict has confounded international pressure and politicians of all stripes for the last 26 years. And both sides seem more interested in spilling blood than shaking hands. The bleak, grey skies of the monsoon season should be taken as God's fair warning of what lies in store for Sri Lanka in 2007.
The Pearl of the Indian Ocean is starting to looking more and more like a giant teardrop.
We should have all seen this coming when Uncle Prabha issued his idiotic Heroes Day speech. He was calling for the elusive Tamil nation of Eelam again, claiming the "Sinhala chauvanists" had left the Tamil people with little choice at a "turning point" in their history. I agree with a brilliant editorial in The Hindu, which exposes this nonsense for the deranged bollocks that it is. The Tamil people and all other parties to the Sri Lankan conflict have heard this speech before, to the point of deja vu. Anything short of Eelam was never on the cards for Prabha, the GOSL was just negotiating so that he might one day die of fatigue at the negotiating table, as Mr. Balasingam is apparently going to do. Yes, I made fun of a person having cancer, you can kindly take SQ 468 and suck my balls if you think I am going to have any sympathy for a Tiger, cancer-riddled or not. The Tamil people have also heard of these turning points before. In reality, they are not at all involved in any decision making process. Instead the LTTE makes decisions for them, like the Kasparov-like decision to try and blow up the President's brother. The masterstroke has put the Sinhala chauvanists firmly back in control of what was looking increasinly like a secular polity. With almost the same level of planning as an LTTE attack, the raving loony mobs of the JVP and JHU were out in force asking that the Tigers be banned and the nation go back to war.
What is worrying is how hard it is to argue with them now. The nation and the international community are being made fools of by Prabhakaran. The GOSL may even have been pushed to emulate his draconian security and recruitment measures. Allan Rock has given up trying to get the LTTE and has decided to pursue the easier and more vulnerable target of the GOSL. In other words, the conflict has come full circle. The Sinhalese are claiming that the LTTE is a bloody thirst bunch of scoundrels and the LTTE is claiming that the Sinhalese have no serious intentions of giving Tamils any form of meaningful representation.
All observers of the conflict will agree that both sides are right. The Sri Lankan conflict has confounded international pressure and politicians of all stripes for the last 26 years. And both sides seem more interested in spilling blood than shaking hands. The bleak, grey skies of the monsoon season should be taken as God's fair warning of what lies in store for Sri Lanka in 2007.
The Pearl of the Indian Ocean is starting to looking more and more like a giant teardrop.
Do we really learn anything in University?
I have often wondered if we really learn anything in the three years and thousands of dollars we spend in University. The fact that all major companies insist on months-long training courses and associate programmes proves that the corporate world certainly feels that the average University graduate learns sweet buggerall. An University education is just proof you're intelligence it seems, nothing more than a drawn out IQ test.
I have a plan to resolve this situation. Hold you're bows and kisses till the conclusion though, for my idea is radical and not necessarily democratic. I plan to make the highest and lowest scoring students in every class submit a report to the Professor on the practical value of what they has learnt. The highest scoring student should be decently paid for this activity while the lowest student can get a grade upgrade for a good report. The students' reports should be matched against the Professor's own account of the practically useful material in the course. During the summer holidays, some poor sod, possibly an intern, should shift through the reports and make recommendations to Professors as to what they are lacking or doing well in.
Should the lack of practical knowledge in an University education worry us at all? My answer is a resounding YES. If an University education teaches us nothing, then we at the mercy of other people's large corporations. We are not taught the skills to start our businesses, become day traders or enter the workforce on the lower, practical end (where there are no elite training courses and school of hard knocks has a higher entry requirment for coddled college students).
In other words, a practical University degree ensures that if we miss the Mercedes and Beamers of the MNC world, we can take a bus or taxi. After 3 years of wasting our lives in lectures, we shouldn't be left walking in the rain.
I have a plan to resolve this situation. Hold you're bows and kisses till the conclusion though, for my idea is radical and not necessarily democratic. I plan to make the highest and lowest scoring students in every class submit a report to the Professor on the practical value of what they has learnt. The highest scoring student should be decently paid for this activity while the lowest student can get a grade upgrade for a good report. The students' reports should be matched against the Professor's own account of the practically useful material in the course. During the summer holidays, some poor sod, possibly an intern, should shift through the reports and make recommendations to Professors as to what they are lacking or doing well in.
Should the lack of practical knowledge in an University education worry us at all? My answer is a resounding YES. If an University education teaches us nothing, then we at the mercy of other people's large corporations. We are not taught the skills to start our businesses, become day traders or enter the workforce on the lower, practical end (where there are no elite training courses and school of hard knocks has a higher entry requirment for coddled college students).
In other words, a practical University degree ensures that if we miss the Mercedes and Beamers of the MNC world, we can take a bus or taxi. After 3 years of wasting our lives in lectures, we shouldn't be left walking in the rain.
Sunday, December 3, 2006
Puma Redefined
As you may have noticed, I am putting the "elegant" back into elegantexile and bringing you more news from Singapore's vibrant designer scene. Following a serious financial crunch, I have only been able to shop on the day before I left the little pretentious island. But what a day. I have already described to you the joys of the Armani Exchange sale, but my best experiences were at the Heeren Shopping centre, where I was looking for an obscure music cd (anyone have Laterlus by Tool, Chathuranga will blow you for it). All things considered, Heeren is a fuckall mall. It is made for young people with little money and even less style. Basically those multi-cultured, multi-coloured losers who try and look Biker, but end up looking like road kill.
Nestled between the cheap crap and Swatch stores, I chanced upon a Puma store. Not just any Puma store, THE Puma store. In this magical world, Puma collaborates with Alexander McQueen, Mihara and Neil Barrett. Together, they create amazing shoes:
1. Sports shoes with dress details. Like Barrett's sports shoes with leather soles or patent leather uppers, embroidery or antique details. On the flip side, McQueen mixes utter techno with old-skool brit quirkiness. Mihara serves up flawless Japanese "you better be fucking rich if you want to spend so much on an seemingly empty shoe" minimalist style. There is serious fun in trying to locate the subtle Puma claw which is hidden somewhere on all the shoes. Basically fusion and fashion orgams abound. These shoes are a serious match for the sports shoe offerings of Gucci, LV and Prada (the only real players in an overcrowded game).
2. Clothes from the above affialiations. I find them a bit overpriced and in a non-discernable market niche (if you want overpriced funky t-shirts, go buy Diesel). But if you are the type who is into Y-3 by Adidas or the entire "wearing expensive sportswear to go clubbing"scene, then by all means, buy the clothes too.
It is a trendy little shop tucked away near the DBS atm at Heeren. And it is here in which I feel the shop fails. It is a shitty location, in a shitty mall and the owners obviously did not have the cash to buy a larger collection of the SGD$500 leisurewear masterpieces. The sooner someone better heeled finds the shop, buys the franchise and places it on the second floor of Paragon, Takashimaya, Forum or the Hilton, the better. Even the forgotten Palais Rennaisance would be arite.
That being said, I think have my clubbing shoe situation sorted for next term (which is a problem at the moment, since my friends think my Gucci shoes are Adidas with one less stripe). Unless ofcourse the puny little place doesnt have my size. Curse Chinese men, for their small feet and smaller imaginations.
Too bad they are the only people who earn enough to set up a limited edition Puma shop, or buy its products.
P.S to pre-empt the South Asian assholes who will be commenting on the "gay-ness" of this post, I politely ask that you fuck yourself and grow up. Clothes maketh the man....bitch.
Nestled between the cheap crap and Swatch stores, I chanced upon a Puma store. Not just any Puma store, THE Puma store. In this magical world, Puma collaborates with Alexander McQueen, Mihara and Neil Barrett. Together, they create amazing shoes:
1. Sports shoes with dress details. Like Barrett's sports shoes with leather soles or patent leather uppers, embroidery or antique details. On the flip side, McQueen mixes utter techno with old-skool brit quirkiness. Mihara serves up flawless Japanese "you better be fucking rich if you want to spend so much on an seemingly empty shoe" minimalist style. There is serious fun in trying to locate the subtle Puma claw which is hidden somewhere on all the shoes. Basically fusion and fashion orgams abound. These shoes are a serious match for the sports shoe offerings of Gucci, LV and Prada (the only real players in an overcrowded game).
2. Clothes from the above affialiations. I find them a bit overpriced and in a non-discernable market niche (if you want overpriced funky t-shirts, go buy Diesel). But if you are the type who is into Y-3 by Adidas or the entire "wearing expensive sportswear to go clubbing"scene, then by all means, buy the clothes too.
It is a trendy little shop tucked away near the DBS atm at Heeren. And it is here in which I feel the shop fails. It is a shitty location, in a shitty mall and the owners obviously did not have the cash to buy a larger collection of the SGD$500 leisurewear masterpieces. The sooner someone better heeled finds the shop, buys the franchise and places it on the second floor of Paragon, Takashimaya, Forum or the Hilton, the better. Even the forgotten Palais Rennaisance would be arite.
That being said, I think have my clubbing shoe situation sorted for next term (which is a problem at the moment, since my friends think my Gucci shoes are Adidas with one less stripe). Unless ofcourse the puny little place doesnt have my size. Curse Chinese men, for their small feet and smaller imaginations.
Too bad they are the only people who earn enough to set up a limited edition Puma shop, or buy its products.
P.S to pre-empt the South Asian assholes who will be commenting on the "gay-ness" of this post, I politely ask that you fuck yourself and grow up. Clothes maketh the man....bitch.
The Armani Exchange Sale
I have decided to share with readers another facet of my life besides my opinions on politics, religion and people. Shopping. Specifically, the blatant, sinful wastage of money that is Orchard Road shopping. This is my first post in what I hope is a long series of posts of my shopping excursions on the only-road-worth-seeing in Singapore.
Armani Exchange is having its annual fall sale as I write. At the same time, its new collection is being subtly introduced. Highlights include:
1. Great prices on extreme cold wear. This catchall self-created category includes trenchcoats, pea-coats (please look up what that is, this isnt really a fashion blog), overcoats and just plain thick coats. There are also those disgusting puffy polyester coats with fur collars. Please beware though, the sizes run from large to very large (another season of frustration for designers who forget that Chinese men really are puny little buggers).
2. Around 30-40% off on AX's typically psychedelic shirts. I dont find these shirts too appealing as they are clearly made for the fair, good looking, party crowd. I am none of the above, but if you are, there's never been a better style to pick up some Himesh-wear for the holidays.
3. Jeans. I have always hated AX jeans by virtue of their ridiculous brand positioning (competing with Armani Jeans, more expensive that Levis/Guess/CK but lower cache than Diesel and Energie). However, if you want great looking jeans in a bewildering array of styles for cheaper than Diesel or other euro-trash-over-hyped brands, then AX has the pants for you.
4. Their new collection is quite frankly brilliant. Obviously made for clubbing holidays, the collection includes black and tan tailored jackets and a wide collections of the famous black AX t-shirt. Giving you a wide array of show-off options, these t-shirts include every possible variation and placement of the AX logo.
After losing faith in the brand over the last academic term, I feel that AX is slowly finding its feet again. Upon realising that my credit card was maxed, I spent the last dollars in my bank account on an AX polo-t that had a leather details and an "Armani Exchange" signature motif on the left shoulder.
I plan on rocking "Elevate" in Delhi in it. Aja aja aja aaaaaaaaaaaahhhh....
Armani Exchange is having its annual fall sale as I write. At the same time, its new collection is being subtly introduced. Highlights include:
1. Great prices on extreme cold wear. This catchall self-created category includes trenchcoats, pea-coats (please look up what that is, this isnt really a fashion blog), overcoats and just plain thick coats. There are also those disgusting puffy polyester coats with fur collars. Please beware though, the sizes run from large to very large (another season of frustration for designers who forget that Chinese men really are puny little buggers).
2. Around 30-40% off on AX's typically psychedelic shirts. I dont find these shirts too appealing as they are clearly made for the fair, good looking, party crowd. I am none of the above, but if you are, there's never been a better style to pick up some Himesh-wear for the holidays.
3. Jeans. I have always hated AX jeans by virtue of their ridiculous brand positioning (competing with Armani Jeans, more expensive that Levis/Guess/CK but lower cache than Diesel and Energie). However, if you want great looking jeans in a bewildering array of styles for cheaper than Diesel or other euro-trash-over-hyped brands, then AX has the pants for you.
4. Their new collection is quite frankly brilliant. Obviously made for clubbing holidays, the collection includes black and tan tailored jackets and a wide collections of the famous black AX t-shirt. Giving you a wide array of show-off options, these t-shirts include every possible variation and placement of the AX logo.
After losing faith in the brand over the last academic term, I feel that AX is slowly finding its feet again. Upon realising that my credit card was maxed, I spent the last dollars in my bank account on an AX polo-t that had a leather details and an "Armani Exchange" signature motif on the left shoulder.
I plan on rocking "Elevate" in Delhi in it. Aja aja aja aaaaaaaaaaaahhhh....
Checkpoints - They are just doing their job
I'm back in monsoon-whipped Colombo. After speeding through immigration and customs, both of which were unusually polite and accomodating, I got my first dose of reality at the check points. Three of them. Over the 30 km it is from the airport to my house. All of them were rude, guns pointed and scowling faced affairs. My mum, brother and I had a good laugh at each one. Making jokes about police officers in English is a risky, yet highly amusing game. But I feel bad men.
Three bodyguards recently gave their lives to save an easily replaceable Minister. Every day cops, soldiers, airmen and sailors give their lives or risk them for a nation that by and large appreciates their effort. But Colombo people, the best protected and best fed people in the country, despise the armed forces. They complain about harassment and delays, of unproffesionalism and aggression, of rudeness and sinhala tests. They have the time and the spare concern to feel for the plight of the people in the North and East, and lambast the security forces for lack of restraint. But do they ever once put themselves in the shoes of anyone from the armed forces.
Even taking into account corruption, profiteering and looting, the average income of the security forces personnel hovers around that of a Colombo-employed clerk. Imagine being paid as much as bored and inefficient paper-pusher, to stand in the sun all day checking vehicles that may carry bombs or armed men. Now add the daily humiliation from rich Sinhalese people that vent their day's frustration on the hapless security personnel. Imagine if our hypothetical solider could read, he would read about how his profession is considered barbaric and power-hungry, while the pencil-pushers are "driving the growth of the nation, and forming a sizeable middle class which consumes washing machines, fridges and even computers". This while his wife may one day become a widow or his son grow up without a father. There are no washing machines, fridges in the house of the average soliders. A computer is a faraway dream.
I would ask you to imagine the trials and privations of a combat soldier, and what could drive him to excesses against people who are shooting at him all day. But I assume my readers have a modicum of intelligence, so I will save you the story.
The next time any of us are harassed by security personnel, just grin, bear and bribe if you have to.
The security guy irritating you is just doing his job.
Three bodyguards recently gave their lives to save an easily replaceable Minister. Every day cops, soldiers, airmen and sailors give their lives or risk them for a nation that by and large appreciates their effort. But Colombo people, the best protected and best fed people in the country, despise the armed forces. They complain about harassment and delays, of unproffesionalism and aggression, of rudeness and sinhala tests. They have the time and the spare concern to feel for the plight of the people in the North and East, and lambast the security forces for lack of restraint. But do they ever once put themselves in the shoes of anyone from the armed forces.
Even taking into account corruption, profiteering and looting, the average income of the security forces personnel hovers around that of a Colombo-employed clerk. Imagine being paid as much as bored and inefficient paper-pusher, to stand in the sun all day checking vehicles that may carry bombs or armed men. Now add the daily humiliation from rich Sinhalese people that vent their day's frustration on the hapless security personnel. Imagine if our hypothetical solider could read, he would read about how his profession is considered barbaric and power-hungry, while the pencil-pushers are "driving the growth of the nation, and forming a sizeable middle class which consumes washing machines, fridges and even computers". This while his wife may one day become a widow or his son grow up without a father. There are no washing machines, fridges in the house of the average soliders. A computer is a faraway dream.
I would ask you to imagine the trials and privations of a combat soldier, and what could drive him to excesses against people who are shooting at him all day. But I assume my readers have a modicum of intelligence, so I will save you the story.
The next time any of us are harassed by security personnel, just grin, bear and bribe if you have to.
The security guy irritating you is just doing his job.
Praying in the Loo
Facing an Ethics exam for which I was intuitively, intellectually and academically unprepared, I decided to take the Christian way out. I prayed. In the bathroom. Why the bathroom you may ask?
Well, people of my/our generation look upon praying as something similar in style and substance to cannibalism. Something done by strange, superstitious people in primitive countries far away. So I hid my faith and prayed in the bathroom. I've been praying for exams in the bathroom for years now and its only this blogging thing that has given me the confidence to express my frustration.
It is just bloody wrong that religious people are treated like crackos and have to keep their faith locked in private homes and in public toilets. This while divisive political opinions are aired freely, couples grab each others' ass in public and gay ppl parade around in parodies of the opposite sex. I have no issues with any of these activities, and society does not permit me to have any issues. So why should political firebrands, horny couples and gay people have the right to look down on my religious "fervour"?
Blaming a disrespect of religion on the religious violence of the present is a cynical fallacy. World War 1, 2 were fought for political goals, all terrorism is based on political goals and World War 3 will also be fought over political goals. Wars have also been fought over money, race, colour, caste and nationalism. So why does religion come in for special flak?
Is it because religion is not compatible with the "mood of the times"? Anyone who believes that, elevates the status of the young, rich and cosmopolitan from an insignificant minority to the arbiter of global zeitgeist. This is ofcourse utter cock. The vast majority of the world in absolute terms is conservative, poor and religious.
Religion therefore should be enjoying a stable, respectable position in the modern world. But it doesnt. That explains the grumbling tone of this post.
I'm off to pray. For my generation.
Well, people of my/our generation look upon praying as something similar in style and substance to cannibalism. Something done by strange, superstitious people in primitive countries far away. So I hid my faith and prayed in the bathroom. I've been praying for exams in the bathroom for years now and its only this blogging thing that has given me the confidence to express my frustration.
It is just bloody wrong that religious people are treated like crackos and have to keep their faith locked in private homes and in public toilets. This while divisive political opinions are aired freely, couples grab each others' ass in public and gay ppl parade around in parodies of the opposite sex. I have no issues with any of these activities, and society does not permit me to have any issues. So why should political firebrands, horny couples and gay people have the right to look down on my religious "fervour"?
Blaming a disrespect of religion on the religious violence of the present is a cynical fallacy. World War 1, 2 were fought for political goals, all terrorism is based on political goals and World War 3 will also be fought over political goals. Wars have also been fought over money, race, colour, caste and nationalism. So why does religion come in for special flak?
Is it because religion is not compatible with the "mood of the times"? Anyone who believes that, elevates the status of the young, rich and cosmopolitan from an insignificant minority to the arbiter of global zeitgeist. This is ofcourse utter cock. The vast majority of the world in absolute terms is conservative, poor and religious.
Religion therefore should be enjoying a stable, respectable position in the modern world. But it doesnt. That explains the grumbling tone of this post.
I'm off to pray. For my generation.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Conquering (Ir)rational Fears
As the more literate of my readership know by now, Sri Lanka is at war again. This has happily coincided with my end-of-term exams, leaving me concerned about my family, business and studies. My concentration has been broken, shattered and peed on. To add to the sense of impending chaos, my mother has put my long-awaited trip to India on hold. Citing security concerns, she wants me to stay put in Colombo for the duration of my December holidays. Read that again. Slowly. She-wants-security-concerns-stay-Colombo are the keywords. She cites a (ir)rational fear that people who visit India during these troubled times are in for harassment by Colombo customs officials. I fully intend to defy her and visit the Big Brother, and I leave it to you to decide whether my neechai-ly presented logic has any merit.
I am incredibly fearful of airports and their hostile customs officials. Even though I have never done anything remotely illegal (I dont even carry contraband cigs) my hold my breath as the offical looks at my passport and then back at me. I nearly piss myself as I try to replicate the signature I have on my passport (this is extremely hard for me as I sign a different way every day). I know that the resumption of hostilities will lead to even more combative customs and immigration officials who will harass every Tamil in sight in the hope that they find a Tiger, and with him/her, the mother-lode of promotion. In short, my mother's fears are perfectly legitimate. Her hypocrisy only comes in when she insists I spend my whole holiday in sunny, suicide bombed, check-pointed Colombo.
Every half-decent horror movie stresses the need for the victim of a haunting, stabbing, cursing or insemination by demon needs to confront his/her fears to overcome them. This is exactly what I plan to do on my trip to India. I want to visit one of the loudest, most crowded places in the World, in freezing weather, and enjoy every minute of it. Having enjoyed my rowdy holiday, I want to brave the morose, under-paid and irritable customs and immigration officials back home. Completing this mission, I will truly feel like a man of the region, who can tolerate the worst stresses by twisted Sub-Continent can throw at me.
That feeling is definitly worth a couple of thousand rupees in bribes, if something does happen.
I am incredibly fearful of airports and their hostile customs officials. Even though I have never done anything remotely illegal (I dont even carry contraband cigs) my hold my breath as the offical looks at my passport and then back at me. I nearly piss myself as I try to replicate the signature I have on my passport (this is extremely hard for me as I sign a different way every day). I know that the resumption of hostilities will lead to even more combative customs and immigration officials who will harass every Tamil in sight in the hope that they find a Tiger, and with him/her, the mother-lode of promotion. In short, my mother's fears are perfectly legitimate. Her hypocrisy only comes in when she insists I spend my whole holiday in sunny, suicide bombed, check-pointed Colombo.
Every half-decent horror movie stresses the need for the victim of a haunting, stabbing, cursing or insemination by demon needs to confront his/her fears to overcome them. This is exactly what I plan to do on my trip to India. I want to visit one of the loudest, most crowded places in the World, in freezing weather, and enjoy every minute of it. Having enjoyed my rowdy holiday, I want to brave the morose, under-paid and irritable customs and immigration officials back home. Completing this mission, I will truly feel like a man of the region, who can tolerate the worst stresses by twisted Sub-Continent can throw at me.
That feeling is definitly worth a couple of thousand rupees in bribes, if something does happen.
Friday, November 24, 2006
Has Putin gone too far? The dangers of humiliation..
Vladimir Putin knows he's the most powerful man in Europe. Sitting on top of a military and energy behemoth growing in economic and political influence with each passing day, Russia is reliving its past glory. It has also regained its imperial/hegemonic arrogance. In banning Polish meat and vegetables (with a threat to ban all EU meat once Romania and Bulgaria join the E.U), I think Putin has finally gone too far.
The move, ostensibly to prevent weak Polish, Romanian and Bulgarian controls from letting in infected meat from Europe into Russia is blatant retaliation for Poland's attack on the proposed German-Russian oil pipeline. Poland compared this pipeline (which neatly bypasses Poland) to the accord that split Poland between Russia and Germany in World War 2. Putin being Putin, completely ignored the Poles and is now obviously punishing them for their insolence. Putin has also used his economic clout to punish Georgia (transportation and economic sanctions), Ukrain (turned off the gas supply in the middle of winter) and Lithuania (cut off oil supplies to their only refinery).
My fear is that Western Europeans feel humiliated that Putin has so much power based on his energy reserves. I feel that this humiliation will have repercussions with regard to non-energy Russian business and the Russian people themselves. As India, Pakistan and China have realised, making enemies of you're next door neighbour is rarely a viable long-term strategy. I personally admire Vladimir Putin. I admire his dedication to his country, his guts and balls, his wit and humour. I even admire his great taste in watches (Patek Phillipe perpetual calendar and Breguet Marine). But I really think he's done enough to illustrate Russia's power and its place in the world. He might even have overplayed his hand with the Russian people. His nationalistic antics will help him in the upcoming elections, but once the Russian people see their growth stifled by the European backlash, Mr. Putin will have to take all the blame.
There's only so much you can whip a horse to make it obey, beyond a point, its bound to kick you off and trample you into the dust. The crafty Mr. Putin would do well to treat the surly pack animal that is Europe with a bit more respect. Arrogance has always been the Achilles heel of Russian imperialism.
The move, ostensibly to prevent weak Polish, Romanian and Bulgarian controls from letting in infected meat from Europe into Russia is blatant retaliation for Poland's attack on the proposed German-Russian oil pipeline. Poland compared this pipeline (which neatly bypasses Poland) to the accord that split Poland between Russia and Germany in World War 2. Putin being Putin, completely ignored the Poles and is now obviously punishing them for their insolence. Putin has also used his economic clout to punish Georgia (transportation and economic sanctions), Ukrain (turned off the gas supply in the middle of winter) and Lithuania (cut off oil supplies to their only refinery).
My fear is that Western Europeans feel humiliated that Putin has so much power based on his energy reserves. I feel that this humiliation will have repercussions with regard to non-energy Russian business and the Russian people themselves. As India, Pakistan and China have realised, making enemies of you're next door neighbour is rarely a viable long-term strategy. I personally admire Vladimir Putin. I admire his dedication to his country, his guts and balls, his wit and humour. I even admire his great taste in watches (Patek Phillipe perpetual calendar and Breguet Marine). But I really think he's done enough to illustrate Russia's power and its place in the world. He might even have overplayed his hand with the Russian people. His nationalistic antics will help him in the upcoming elections, but once the Russian people see their growth stifled by the European backlash, Mr. Putin will have to take all the blame.
There's only so much you can whip a horse to make it obey, beyond a point, its bound to kick you off and trample you into the dust. The crafty Mr. Putin would do well to treat the surly pack animal that is Europe with a bit more respect. Arrogance has always been the Achilles heel of Russian imperialism.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
The Reassurance project
I need my readers to judge this idea for me:
1. I want to create a blog that lists out the names of the dead in terrorist attacks on civilians. This idea was inspired by yesterday's carnage in Iraq when 135 people died and were reported whole, as that meaningless number. Each of these 135 people led real lives and left behind greiving relatives. Worse, a large number of expatriates have no clue if their uncle/aunty/cousin/friend/boyf/girlf/ex-boyf/ex-girlf/acquaintance/neighbour died. In all but family cases, this news will not filter back to them through the expat grapevine. My project will put these names at the end of two clicks "Edit-Find-Type-Search".
2. This project has to be in blog format for people to upload the names of the dead they know about. Further, once the project gains traction, it can enlist volunteers in each conflict to visit mortuaries and get the lists. Lastly, when the project is worthy of commercial attention, big news organisations can link and contribute to the project.
If it sounds like I am excited about this project, well yes, I am. I feel very strongly to putting a name to the numbers of people who are dying in senseless conflict all over the world.
Please let me know what you think of this idea, if you have to comment on only one post on my blog, please comment on this one.
1. I want to create a blog that lists out the names of the dead in terrorist attacks on civilians. This idea was inspired by yesterday's carnage in Iraq when 135 people died and were reported whole, as that meaningless number. Each of these 135 people led real lives and left behind greiving relatives. Worse, a large number of expatriates have no clue if their uncle/aunty/cousin/friend/boyf/girlf/ex-boyf/ex-girlf/acquaintance/neighbour died. In all but family cases, this news will not filter back to them through the expat grapevine. My project will put these names at the end of two clicks "Edit-Find-Type-Search".
2. This project has to be in blog format for people to upload the names of the dead they know about. Further, once the project gains traction, it can enlist volunteers in each conflict to visit mortuaries and get the lists. Lastly, when the project is worthy of commercial attention, big news organisations can link and contribute to the project.
If it sounds like I am excited about this project, well yes, I am. I feel very strongly to putting a name to the numbers of people who are dying in senseless conflict all over the world.
Please let me know what you think of this idea, if you have to comment on only one post on my blog, please comment on this one.
Jairam's Jokes
"If a country of one billion people cannot become the third-largest economy, then we need to have our heads examined. What counts is per capita income," he said, reiterating that the new wealth has not spread to the vast majority. "Let's not go overboard about this idea of the 21st century being India's century. On a macro level it may be, but not in terms of lifestyle or earnings." " - Jairam Ramesh, Indian Commerce Minister,
While I disagree with his "giving up the race with China" comment, I feel this latest utterance brilliantly captures the fallacy of India's "preponed" superpower status. India needs to figure out the day to day mechanisms to feed, educate and heal its underpriviledged millions before it can start talking about affecting world politics. Yes, India's global billionaires and brilliant intellectuals are more than capable of changing the current world order, but these same talented individuals have no proven themselves patriots. Indian companies are not known for corporate social responsibility, Indian politicians are not known for their honesty and Indian intellectuals and media are often too high-and-might to deal with real-world-issues. Indians even export their social negligence abroad, with Indian companies being the most likely to bribe officials overseas.
India's economy is like its cricket team. Chock full of talented individuals with a great future and impressive global footprint. However, not one of them has the determination and guts to drag the entire team out of the mud when the chips are down. India needs pragmatic leaders to press the advantage and finish the game. Politicians like Ramesh are only a start, they need to be kept honest and effective by a vigorous and civic-minded private sector.
India will be super-power one day. Its inevitable. I just hope that its story will read more like the U.S's and less like the USSR's.
While I disagree with his "giving up the race with China" comment, I feel this latest utterance brilliantly captures the fallacy of India's "preponed" superpower status. India needs to figure out the day to day mechanisms to feed, educate and heal its underpriviledged millions before it can start talking about affecting world politics. Yes, India's global billionaires and brilliant intellectuals are more than capable of changing the current world order, but these same talented individuals have no proven themselves patriots. Indian companies are not known for corporate social responsibility, Indian politicians are not known for their honesty and Indian intellectuals and media are often too high-and-might to deal with real-world-issues. Indians even export their social negligence abroad, with Indian companies being the most likely to bribe officials overseas.
India's economy is like its cricket team. Chock full of talented individuals with a great future and impressive global footprint. However, not one of them has the determination and guts to drag the entire team out of the mud when the chips are down. India needs pragmatic leaders to press the advantage and finish the game. Politicians like Ramesh are only a start, they need to be kept honest and effective by a vigorous and civic-minded private sector.
India will be super-power one day. Its inevitable. I just hope that its story will read more like the U.S's and less like the USSR's.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
India Thrashed, mixed emotions and future of South Asian Cricket
For those of you are serving time in a federal penitentiary and thus missed the India vs. South Africa cricket match, India got nostril raped by the South Africans. Chasing 248, India put in one of the most woeful displays of shrivelled testicle disease in the history of competitive sport, collapsing to 92 all out in time for dinner .
I went off to sleep feeling robbed of late night entertainment and nursing some mixed feelings.
I felt perverse joy watching India get whipped like cattle through an African market. Non-Indians from the Sub-continent cant help but feel this way. Each of our nations have been bullied by India and we have probably been personally bullied by Indians. The day after an Indian cricket loss, the silence from the Indians you know is deafening. Comparisons of Dravid/Tendulka/Dhoni to Jayasuriya/Mohammed Yousuf halt mid-sentence. The collective sound is that of an elephant recovering from a hunter's gunshot. A large powerful animal that just cant believe its luck. Its also like being best friends with a bully, part of you does a little dance when he eventually gets the shit kicked out of him.
Part of you also feel sorry for him, because in the end, he is you're friend. This sentiment makes up the flip side of my feelings. As I saw the gentler, more talented Indian elephant being tusked to pieces by the African elephant, aggressive and powerful in its musth, I felt a shudder for the smaller creatures of the jungle. I realised that the talented circus-bred Sri Lankan lion and the hardy and wily Pakistani Markhor (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Markhor) would also be no match for the African elephant in all its rage or the unbeatable boxing Kangaroos. I realised that the way South Asians play cricket stood no chance against the channelled rage of the South Africans or Australians. We still play cricket the way the British taught us to play the game, there are no words after a smashing four or well-aimed bouncer, no spitting at the feet of the batsmen, no heckling (in English atleast) from behind the stumps. We employ all kinds of tricks to motivate ourselves but none to demoralise the opposition. We also pick our teams in a gentler manner, giving people a chance until they truly prove that their talent does not extend beyond first-class level (Micheal Vandort, Suresh Raina and Kaneira among others), while the Aussies and South Africans do not shy away froms ending a bad cricketer back to his farm or trailer park.
South Asian cricket teams have two options:
1. Continue playing the game the gentlemanly way we do and depend on our awesome reserve of talent to win a few matches.
2. Change our style to become the bastards we know we can be (i.e. the aggressive and confrontational South Asian teams that won World Cups in '83, '92 and '96).
I dont really know which of the two I want to see, I just hope brown people start winning more matches. India can still recover from this debacle, Pakistan is playing well and SL faces a winnable series against the Kiwis. The spices have been thrown into the fire, lets hope they are cooked into a fiery masala and not just get burnt into brown powder.
I went off to sleep feeling robbed of late night entertainment and nursing some mixed feelings.
I felt perverse joy watching India get whipped like cattle through an African market. Non-Indians from the Sub-continent cant help but feel this way. Each of our nations have been bullied by India and we have probably been personally bullied by Indians. The day after an Indian cricket loss, the silence from the Indians you know is deafening. Comparisons of Dravid/Tendulka/Dhoni to Jayasuriya/Mohammed Yousuf halt mid-sentence. The collective sound is that of an elephant recovering from a hunter's gunshot. A large powerful animal that just cant believe its luck. Its also like being best friends with a bully, part of you does a little dance when he eventually gets the shit kicked out of him.
Part of you also feel sorry for him, because in the end, he is you're friend. This sentiment makes up the flip side of my feelings. As I saw the gentler, more talented Indian elephant being tusked to pieces by the African elephant, aggressive and powerful in its musth, I felt a shudder for the smaller creatures of the jungle. I realised that the talented circus-bred Sri Lankan lion and the hardy and wily Pakistani Markhor (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Markhor) would also be no match for the African elephant in all its rage or the unbeatable boxing Kangaroos. I realised that the way South Asians play cricket stood no chance against the channelled rage of the South Africans or Australians. We still play cricket the way the British taught us to play the game, there are no words after a smashing four or well-aimed bouncer, no spitting at the feet of the batsmen, no heckling (in English atleast) from behind the stumps. We employ all kinds of tricks to motivate ourselves but none to demoralise the opposition. We also pick our teams in a gentler manner, giving people a chance until they truly prove that their talent does not extend beyond first-class level (Micheal Vandort, Suresh Raina and Kaneira among others), while the Aussies and South Africans do not shy away froms ending a bad cricketer back to his farm or trailer park.
South Asian cricket teams have two options:
1. Continue playing the game the gentlemanly way we do and depend on our awesome reserve of talent to win a few matches.
2. Change our style to become the bastards we know we can be (i.e. the aggressive and confrontational South Asian teams that won World Cups in '83, '92 and '96).
I dont really know which of the two I want to see, I just hope brown people start winning more matches. India can still recover from this debacle, Pakistan is playing well and SL faces a winnable series against the Kiwis. The spices have been thrown into the fire, lets hope they are cooked into a fiery masala and not just get burnt into brown powder.
The return of the I-bahenchods
I recently experienced the shuddering orgams related to receiving interview calls from large investment banks. I suddenly feel like a prostitute who enjoys her job. I hereby call on my readers to do two small favours for me:
1. Wish upon you're star of choice that I make it through the forthcoming rounds of skull-buggery that the elder I-bahechods will put me through.
2. Resist the urge to apply for these positions themselves. I have heard that kopitiam aunties are a rapidly declining workforce, they need all the help they can get. Do you're bit for Singapore culture. If thy tastes run a little high-brow, I've been hearing that Journalism and Fashion Design are truly fascinating career options.
I'm finally becoming a Good Tamil Boy. Bring on the curd rice.
1. Wish upon you're star of choice that I make it through the forthcoming rounds of skull-buggery that the elder I-bahechods will put me through.
2. Resist the urge to apply for these positions themselves. I have heard that kopitiam aunties are a rapidly declining workforce, they need all the help they can get. Do you're bit for Singapore culture. If thy tastes run a little high-brow, I've been hearing that Journalism and Fashion Design are truly fascinating career options.
I'm finally becoming a Good Tamil Boy. Bring on the curd rice.
Declaration of Independence
My blog is apparently too politically motivated. Fuck you, dont read it then. Moving on.
My first spammer
I am amused and honoured to announce that my blog has received its first spammer. An imaginatively named fellow called "Lankan", who cordially (and honestly) writes in:
"Lankan said...
Hi, I'm here to spam your blog.Please come along and join:http://www.clublk.usand meet close to 30 000 Sri Lankans from all over the world."
Thirty thousand Sri Lankans from all over the world meeting for no apparent purpose and with no real relationship to each other. Sounds like an LTTE front organisation.
"Lankan said...
Hi, I'm here to spam your blog.Please come along and join:http://www.clublk.usand meet close to 30 000 Sri Lankans from all over the world."
Thirty thousand Sri Lankans from all over the world meeting for no apparent purpose and with no real relationship to each other. Sounds like an LTTE front organisation.
GOSL grows finally grows a nut or two
Sri Lanka military spokesman Brig Prasad Samarasinghe said the air raids targeted a training camp run by the Sea Tigers. "This was not due to provocation as such. This was a known target. Every day the navy is getting hammered [in sea clashes], so to pre-empt that the air force has taken the target."
Translation: "The Sea Tigers are terrorists, not recreational divers/fisherman/marine scientists and we'll bomb them where we find them. Now kindly fuck off and harass someone else."
Its about time the GOSL took this approach with the LTTE and told NGOs and the international community off. How are you expected to fight a war against a terrorist group if you have to wait to be attacked for you to attack. The GOSL is currently being put in the ridiculous position of having to host terrorists (who have literally running the peace process off the road) who roam freely in their violently acquired "territory" and launch terrorist and conventional attacks as and when they fancy. To any impartial observer, and even to a partial observer with a spare neuron or two, this is too humiliating a pill for any Government (atleast one with a spare tank or fighter jet) to swallow. This most recent act of measure aggression (only 20 bombs were dropped) and its accompanying press release politely clarifies to the international community the GOSL's strategy in dealing with terrorism. I hope this is a start towards eliminating those ridiculous "No comment/We are investigating" military press statements.
It was about time the GOSL showed that it is responsible for the serious business of running and protecting a soveriegn nation, not competing in an international popularity contest.
Translation: "The Sea Tigers are terrorists, not recreational divers/fisherman/marine scientists and we'll bomb them where we find them. Now kindly fuck off and harass someone else."
Its about time the GOSL took this approach with the LTTE and told NGOs and the international community off. How are you expected to fight a war against a terrorist group if you have to wait to be attacked for you to attack. The GOSL is currently being put in the ridiculous position of having to host terrorists (who have literally running the peace process off the road) who roam freely in their violently acquired "territory" and launch terrorist and conventional attacks as and when they fancy. To any impartial observer, and even to a partial observer with a spare neuron or two, this is too humiliating a pill for any Government (atleast one with a spare tank or fighter jet) to swallow. This most recent act of measure aggression (only 20 bombs were dropped) and its accompanying press release politely clarifies to the international community the GOSL's strategy in dealing with terrorism. I hope this is a start towards eliminating those ridiculous "No comment/We are investigating" military press statements.
It was about time the GOSL showed that it is responsible for the serious business of running and protecting a soveriegn nation, not competing in an international popularity contest.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Proof of my genius
"Sri Lanka's crucial problem lies not in the realm of mobilisation ('Sinhala nationalism' etc), but in the realm of representation. We are facing the crisis with unprecedentedly diminished high quality human resources or human capital. "
This statement came from the official newspaper of the GOSL, the Daily News. People who read my blog regularly (you poor sods) will remember that I identified the above phenomenon as the sole problem with the GOSL handling of the Sri Lankan conflict. More observant readers will also remember that I generally disparage the Daily News. Not any more. Great minds think alike.
I wouldnt say "unprecendently diminished high quality human resources" though.
This statement came from the official newspaper of the GOSL, the Daily News. People who read my blog regularly (you poor sods) will remember that I identified the above phenomenon as the sole problem with the GOSL handling of the Sri Lankan conflict. More observant readers will also remember that I generally disparage the Daily News. Not any more. Great minds think alike.
I wouldnt say "unprecendently diminished high quality human resources" though.
Al Jazeera rocks!
I very rarely use an exclamation mark, that too in a title, feeling that it is the literary equivalent of being on crack cocaine. Al Jazeera's new English service feels just like crack cocaine, to readers used to the dull high of Western media's haze inducing ganja. Al Jazeera's first coup (one of several I'm sure) is to penetrate the hightly secretive regime of Myanmar, closed to Western journalists for decades. Al Jazeera got access by being famously impartial or perhaps slightly anti-Western.
In three in-depth, long and well written articles Al Jazeera covered the political, economic and humanitarian conditions on the ground in Myanmar. I for one was amazed to find that "United Nations statistics show that as many under-fives die each year in Myanmar as in Sudan. More Myanmar children are malnourished than in Somalia and Myanmar has more orphans than Afghanistan. Educationally, half of Myanmar's children fail to progress beyond primary level.
And yet Myanmar gets aid inflows that are 75 times less than Mozambique and 26 times lower than nearby Cambodia". I knew the situation in Myanmar was bad, but not this bad. A cursory glance at the map reveals a huge country, one that I had never noticed before. I felt shame at not knowing about a giant slice of Africa-style humanitarian disaster at in my very backyard. I also felt anger at Western news organisations for giving this country less coverage than Paris Hilton's nocturnal adventures. I have made Al Jazeera's English service my homepage over the last week, and have been rewarded with insightful stories and indepth editorials on the Middle East, South East Asia and even Sri Lanka. The insight it gives into the lives of the "others" is often a gut-wrenching look into the lives of politicians, militants, fundamentalists, journalists, women and chilren on the front lines of the crises of today.
On that note, I hate Al Jazeera's coverage of the Sri Lanka conflict, like all other news organisations their coverage starts with "The LTTE said", but as I have said before noone can be blamed if the GOSL is so woeful at getting its message out. When will they learn that "the military had no comment" is as good as an admission of guilt.
That being said, Al Jazeera should atleast be on an educated person's "to read" list for the day. Maybe even their homepage.
In three in-depth, long and well written articles Al Jazeera covered the political, economic and humanitarian conditions on the ground in Myanmar. I for one was amazed to find that "United Nations statistics show that as many under-fives die each year in Myanmar as in Sudan. More Myanmar children are malnourished than in Somalia and Myanmar has more orphans than Afghanistan. Educationally, half of Myanmar's children fail to progress beyond primary level.
And yet Myanmar gets aid inflows that are 75 times less than Mozambique and 26 times lower than nearby Cambodia". I knew the situation in Myanmar was bad, but not this bad. A cursory glance at the map reveals a huge country, one that I had never noticed before. I felt shame at not knowing about a giant slice of Africa-style humanitarian disaster at in my very backyard. I also felt anger at Western news organisations for giving this country less coverage than Paris Hilton's nocturnal adventures. I have made Al Jazeera's English service my homepage over the last week, and have been rewarded with insightful stories and indepth editorials on the Middle East, South East Asia and even Sri Lanka. The insight it gives into the lives of the "others" is often a gut-wrenching look into the lives of politicians, militants, fundamentalists, journalists, women and chilren on the front lines of the crises of today.
On that note, I hate Al Jazeera's coverage of the Sri Lanka conflict, like all other news organisations their coverage starts with "The LTTE said", but as I have said before noone can be blamed if the GOSL is so woeful at getting its message out. When will they learn that "the military had no comment" is as good as an admission of guilt.
That being said, Al Jazeera should atleast be on an educated person's "to read" list for the day. Maybe even their homepage.
Monday, November 20, 2006
India's famed motivational politicians
So measurably does India lag behind on virtually every indicator - except, notably, in the size of the software industry and the number of billionaires (India wins on both counts) - that the Indian minister for commerce, Jairam Ramesh, told an audience here Monday that Indians would do well to stop racing with the Chinese and start admiring. "We are not in a race," he said at a seminar sponsored by the Confederation of Indian Industry. "They have already won the race." - http://www.iht.com/articles/2006/11/20/news/china.php
What a genius this man is. What a truly motivational figurehead for India and its business community. If I had my way, he'd captain/coach/select the Indian cricket team. Aiyo, in case some of you are still scratching you're head, I'm being sarcastic. He is a morose moron and I hate the Indian cricket team.
Mr. Ramesh, has reached one of the pinnacles of Indian politics and commandeers Indian business without ever having read the children's story of the "Tortoise and the Hare". Perhaps he should speak some of my more optimistic Indian friends. They argue, strongly and rightly, that India's growth has been slow as it has been achieved despite not because of the Government. They claim, and I agree, that this is a good thing because:
1. An economy thriving on private enterprise and consumption, rather than Government direction and export, is much more sustainable in the long run. This is evident from the American economy, that takes a licking and keeps on ticking as opposed to the once great Japanese economy, that is only now beginning to find its feet by....you guessed it...encouraging private enterprise.
2. A healthy rich and middle class is necessary to keep Government excesses in check. In the long run, this means greater political stability in the country. Yes, India is a very politically unstable country, but it could be a whole lot worse. Yes, China is an incredibly stable country, but underneath each ethnic, geographical and economic fissure lies pure molten grievance, which the Government only barely contains.
3. India has benefited greatly from being the bumbling billion. The West looks on it with a vastly more favourable eye, handing nuclear, trade and movie deals willy-nilly. China on the other hand is treated like the Yellow Fever, something to be controlled and cured.
China will continue to beat India senseless in terms of economic indicators, political leverage and military might. An entire generation of Indians will grow up with an inferiority complex, they will not be able to use the "Our people are poor because it is a really big country" excuse. Mr. Ramesh will probably die before Chinese start "admiring" Indians. But when the shit hits fan in Beijing and China starts to politically implode (as all autocratic empires eventually do), Indian entrepreneus will do the balle and say:
"Abbey/Arrey/Addey, told you those buggers were short-sighted, what else could you be with those chinky eyes?".
What a genius this man is. What a truly motivational figurehead for India and its business community. If I had my way, he'd captain/coach/select the Indian cricket team. Aiyo, in case some of you are still scratching you're head, I'm being sarcastic. He is a morose moron and I hate the Indian cricket team.
Mr. Ramesh, has reached one of the pinnacles of Indian politics and commandeers Indian business without ever having read the children's story of the "Tortoise and the Hare". Perhaps he should speak some of my more optimistic Indian friends. They argue, strongly and rightly, that India's growth has been slow as it has been achieved despite not because of the Government. They claim, and I agree, that this is a good thing because:
1. An economy thriving on private enterprise and consumption, rather than Government direction and export, is much more sustainable in the long run. This is evident from the American economy, that takes a licking and keeps on ticking as opposed to the once great Japanese economy, that is only now beginning to find its feet by....you guessed it...encouraging private enterprise.
2. A healthy rich and middle class is necessary to keep Government excesses in check. In the long run, this means greater political stability in the country. Yes, India is a very politically unstable country, but it could be a whole lot worse. Yes, China is an incredibly stable country, but underneath each ethnic, geographical and economic fissure lies pure molten grievance, which the Government only barely contains.
3. India has benefited greatly from being the bumbling billion. The West looks on it with a vastly more favourable eye, handing nuclear, trade and movie deals willy-nilly. China on the other hand is treated like the Yellow Fever, something to be controlled and cured.
China will continue to beat India senseless in terms of economic indicators, political leverage and military might. An entire generation of Indians will grow up with an inferiority complex, they will not be able to use the "Our people are poor because it is a really big country" excuse. Mr. Ramesh will probably die before Chinese start "admiring" Indians. But when the shit hits fan in Beijing and China starts to politically implode (as all autocratic empires eventually do), Indian entrepreneus will do the balle and say:
"Abbey/Arrey/Addey, told you those buggers were short-sighted, what else could you be with those chinky eyes?".
The Highway of Blame
The GOSL has been brow-beaten by international pressure and aid agencies into opening the main artery to Jaffna, the A9 road, for one day to allow humanitarian supplies through to the North and East. So now the citizens of the North and East are the GOSL's responsibility. What happened to the LTTE representing the entire Tamil clan? What about the claims of kinship from Indian Tamils? Couldn't the boats carrying tonnes of arms, ammunition and explosive and hundreds of fighters have fit in a couple of bags of rice or a few spare packets of Maggi? All purely rhetorical questions ofcourse. Noone really cares for the Tamil people in Sri Lanka, not even the Tamil people in Sri Lanka. However the LTTE and Indian Tamil community is very good at political posturing and lobbying. They have played the International Community and spineless international aid agencies into placing the entire responsibility for feeding the people of the North and East on the GOSL.
I have to remind readers that it was the LTTE that cancelled peace negotiations over this highway. A cessation of hostilities would have been a far greater boon to the Tamil people than the opening of a highway (which is openely taxed by the LTTE in its "jurisdiction"). What happens to those taxes anyway? Are they used to build hospitals, courts, telephone lines, power stations or ports? We all know where the money goes, to arms dealers and the numbered Swiss bank accounts.
The International Community and Indian Tamils should decide who they see as truly responsible for Sri Lankan Tamils and offer their assistance accordingly. International agencies should simply stay out of politics. They dont need a road to help the people of Sri Lanka, they can just get out of their airconditioned BMW 4W drives and go into villages and homes doing the job their donors sent them to do.
I have to remind readers that it was the LTTE that cancelled peace negotiations over this highway. A cessation of hostilities would have been a far greater boon to the Tamil people than the opening of a highway (which is openely taxed by the LTTE in its "jurisdiction"). What happens to those taxes anyway? Are they used to build hospitals, courts, telephone lines, power stations or ports? We all know where the money goes, to arms dealers and the numbered Swiss bank accounts.
The International Community and Indian Tamils should decide who they see as truly responsible for Sri Lankan Tamils and offer their assistance accordingly. International agencies should simply stay out of politics. They dont need a road to help the people of Sri Lanka, they can just get out of their airconditioned BMW 4W drives and go into villages and homes doing the job their donors sent them to do.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Indian Tamil Bar Association spits into the chutney
The deceptively titled All India Bar Association (it is neither All-India nor is it a legally recognised Bar Association) based in Chennai has called for Manmohan Singh to intervene in the Sri Lankan conflict on behalf of the Tamils. Yes, you read that right. On behalf of the Tamils. Feels like the 1980s again, I better get out my copy of Scarface and start practicing lines. I do not wish to paint all Indian Tamils with the same brush, but I am saddened that AIBA's suggestion was not killed on its way to Manmohan Singh. I cant help thinking that the majority of Indian Tamils must share AIBA's bone-headed ideas.
The AIBA solution involves India's direction intervention in Sri Lanka's conflict to give the LTTE its seperate state. This would ammount to nothing short of an invasion for the following reason:
1. The vast majority of the country does not want to give the LTTE a seperate state.
2. It is not India's state to give.
3. It can only be given by military force. Uninvited military force, as Mr. Rajapakse has used his famous blunt diplomacy and told the AIBA exactly where it can put its intervention.
The AIBA cites the deteriorating human rights situation in Sri Lanka has the root cause of its concern. While I feel deeply about the failings and stupidity of the GOSL and am violently opposed to the occasional barbarity of the villager-manned Armed Forces, their behaviour pales in comparison to the LTTE. The LTTE is a terrorist organsiation that uses suicide bombs, child soldiers and has blown up a civilian airport, stock exchange and Sri Lanka's largest Buddhist temple. It has exploded bombs in front of hospitals, schools, churches, mosques and almost every other place of human gathering. It has also ruthlessly executed political opponents on both sides of the conflict.
Even if these travesties can be put down to the misfortune of war, the treatment of Tamils in their dubious "jurisdiction" bears testament to how the LTTE will govern their seperate state. Having a highly developed logisitics chain to bring in weapons, men and money into the warzone, they have somehow managed to not feed the people in the North and East, neither have they provided water, electricity or healthcare. Instead, they claim that these are the GOSL's responsibilities and the GOSL is responsibile for the deplorable living conditions of the Tamils in the North and East. I will not spell out the hypocrisy for you, if you've made it this far into the post, you have a heart and half a brain. What is even funnier, is that the GOSL has been pressured by the international community and the anti-war faction in Colombo, to provide exactly these things. Its like India sending food aid, water pipelines and electricity cables to Pakistan-administered Kashmir. I hope that one day the Indian Tamil community will wake up and realise that the situation in Sri Lanka is not some Tamil movie, where Tamil heroes kill 100 soldiers each, erect infrastructure in the afternoon and finish the day in the busty embrace of a female cadre.
Non-Tamil Indians will also be sobered away from gung-ho dreams of an Indian Peace Keeping Force when they recall the hundreds of soldiers and an excellent Prime Minister India lost when she last tried this stunt. India was betrayed by the same people it was trying to "protect". The LTTE never thinks it owes anyone any favours. Just ask the widows of countless Tamil politicians who have supported it in the past, only to receive a hail of bullets when they pressed for peace. Further, any escapade on behalf of the LTTE would also badly damage India's international reputation, fast growing economy, internal politics and the Central Government's control over Tamil Nadu. It would put the last nail in the coffin of Indo-Lankan relations and potentially lead to a greater role for Pakistan in a conflict wherein they can produce immeasurable irritation for India.
My distaste for pro-LTTE intervention aside, I do believe that India needs to intervene. Not like America in Iraq, twisting a knife into deep ethnic divisions, but instead following their own example in shadow diplomacy in Nepal, where they threatened, cajoled and convinced both sides to the negotiating table. As an excellent article in the Daily News (did I just say that?) concludes "India's only realistic option is to support Sri Lanka politically, diplomatically, economically and materially, and as the price tag, ensure the accelerated implementation of an adequate devolution package. All other options are fraught." (yes they messed up at the end with the "fraught" thing, its the Daily News, you cant expect them to have an entirely error-free article).
The people in the North and East are living in an earthly purgatory, with both the GOSL and LTTE as tormenting demons. By choosing sides, their kinsmen in Tamil Nadu are just prolonging their misery.
The AIBA solution involves India's direction intervention in Sri Lanka's conflict to give the LTTE its seperate state. This would ammount to nothing short of an invasion for the following reason:
1. The vast majority of the country does not want to give the LTTE a seperate state.
2. It is not India's state to give.
3. It can only be given by military force. Uninvited military force, as Mr. Rajapakse has used his famous blunt diplomacy and told the AIBA exactly where it can put its intervention.
The AIBA cites the deteriorating human rights situation in Sri Lanka has the root cause of its concern. While I feel deeply about the failings and stupidity of the GOSL and am violently opposed to the occasional barbarity of the villager-manned Armed Forces, their behaviour pales in comparison to the LTTE. The LTTE is a terrorist organsiation that uses suicide bombs, child soldiers and has blown up a civilian airport, stock exchange and Sri Lanka's largest Buddhist temple. It has exploded bombs in front of hospitals, schools, churches, mosques and almost every other place of human gathering. It has also ruthlessly executed political opponents on both sides of the conflict.
Even if these travesties can be put down to the misfortune of war, the treatment of Tamils in their dubious "jurisdiction" bears testament to how the LTTE will govern their seperate state. Having a highly developed logisitics chain to bring in weapons, men and money into the warzone, they have somehow managed to not feed the people in the North and East, neither have they provided water, electricity or healthcare. Instead, they claim that these are the GOSL's responsibilities and the GOSL is responsibile for the deplorable living conditions of the Tamils in the North and East. I will not spell out the hypocrisy for you, if you've made it this far into the post, you have a heart and half a brain. What is even funnier, is that the GOSL has been pressured by the international community and the anti-war faction in Colombo, to provide exactly these things. Its like India sending food aid, water pipelines and electricity cables to Pakistan-administered Kashmir. I hope that one day the Indian Tamil community will wake up and realise that the situation in Sri Lanka is not some Tamil movie, where Tamil heroes kill 100 soldiers each, erect infrastructure in the afternoon and finish the day in the busty embrace of a female cadre.
Non-Tamil Indians will also be sobered away from gung-ho dreams of an Indian Peace Keeping Force when they recall the hundreds of soldiers and an excellent Prime Minister India lost when she last tried this stunt. India was betrayed by the same people it was trying to "protect". The LTTE never thinks it owes anyone any favours. Just ask the widows of countless Tamil politicians who have supported it in the past, only to receive a hail of bullets when they pressed for peace. Further, any escapade on behalf of the LTTE would also badly damage India's international reputation, fast growing economy, internal politics and the Central Government's control over Tamil Nadu. It would put the last nail in the coffin of Indo-Lankan relations and potentially lead to a greater role for Pakistan in a conflict wherein they can produce immeasurable irritation for India.
My distaste for pro-LTTE intervention aside, I do believe that India needs to intervene. Not like America in Iraq, twisting a knife into deep ethnic divisions, but instead following their own example in shadow diplomacy in Nepal, where they threatened, cajoled and convinced both sides to the negotiating table. As an excellent article in the Daily News (did I just say that?) concludes "India's only realistic option is to support Sri Lanka politically, diplomatically, economically and materially, and as the price tag, ensure the accelerated implementation of an adequate devolution package. All other options are fraught." (yes they messed up at the end with the "fraught" thing, its the Daily News, you cant expect them to have an entirely error-free article).
The people in the North and East are living in an earthly purgatory, with both the GOSL and LTTE as tormenting demons. By choosing sides, their kinsmen in Tamil Nadu are just prolonging their misery.
The Dutch prove that they are ALL on pot
The Netherlands is the first European country to legally ban the Burqa. This was a clearly politically motivated move by the Dutch centre-left coalitiong government that is up for re-election this Wednesday. Beyond the obvious ramifications for race relations and the prospects for political stability for Europe, the reasons given for the ban are just ridiculous.
The reasons given for banning the Burqa are, in the words of "Iron Rita" Rita Verdonk "the cabinet finds it undesirable that face-covering clothing - including the burqa - is worn in public places for reasons of public order, security and protection of citizens". She added, "From a security standpoint, people should always be recognisable and from the standpoint of integration, we think people should be able to communicate with one another".
Non-Muslims South Asians are not known for sympathising with our bearded and skinned bretheren but I think on this issue we have to cry a collective "WTF". We didnt know that covering our face was a national security issue. Are beards, sunglasses, hats, caps, visors, respiratory masks, ski masks and long hair to be outlawed soon? Will travel advisories be issued by embassies asking all visitors to the Netherlands to please shave on arrival?
Ofcourse our indignation will be in vain. As I type, some monkey with RDX is planning on bombing a Dutch embassy somewhere. Other monkeys are wondering where to buy the Dutch flag to burn it in the streets tomorrow. More gifted primates are wondering what the Dutch export (oh no, its OIL isnt it?) and how to boycott them. These activities will do nothing to un-ban Islamic haute couture from the streets of Amsterdam, but rather will end up extending the ban to beards (for the same reason), skull caps (hiding baldness is damaging to morale of European christian baldies) and circumsicion (creating extra pleasure for European women damages national security by encouraging consorting with enemy, especially in the "Axis of Evil" position).
I suggest that the more well-heeld among my male readers wear burqas on their next trip to Holland as a mark of protest. Indeed, I hope that fashion designers make the roomy garment their trend of the month (using their secret trend-setting powers). This nonsense has to stop. Its alright to abuse the Muslims, just learn from us South Asians and do it intelligently.
P.S I love Muslims very much. Its just that few other people do.
The reasons given for banning the Burqa are, in the words of "Iron Rita" Rita Verdonk "the cabinet finds it undesirable that face-covering clothing - including the burqa - is worn in public places for reasons of public order, security and protection of citizens". She added, "From a security standpoint, people should always be recognisable and from the standpoint of integration, we think people should be able to communicate with one another".
Non-Muslims South Asians are not known for sympathising with our bearded and skinned bretheren but I think on this issue we have to cry a collective "WTF". We didnt know that covering our face was a national security issue. Are beards, sunglasses, hats, caps, visors, respiratory masks, ski masks and long hair to be outlawed soon? Will travel advisories be issued by embassies asking all visitors to the Netherlands to please shave on arrival?
Ofcourse our indignation will be in vain. As I type, some monkey with RDX is planning on bombing a Dutch embassy somewhere. Other monkeys are wondering where to buy the Dutch flag to burn it in the streets tomorrow. More gifted primates are wondering what the Dutch export (oh no, its OIL isnt it?) and how to boycott them. These activities will do nothing to un-ban Islamic haute couture from the streets of Amsterdam, but rather will end up extending the ban to beards (for the same reason), skull caps (hiding baldness is damaging to morale of European christian baldies) and circumsicion (creating extra pleasure for European women damages national security by encouraging consorting with enemy, especially in the "Axis of Evil" position).
I suggest that the more well-heeld among my male readers wear burqas on their next trip to Holland as a mark of protest. Indeed, I hope that fashion designers make the roomy garment their trend of the month (using their secret trend-setting powers). This nonsense has to stop. Its alright to abuse the Muslims, just learn from us South Asians and do it intelligently.
P.S I love Muslims very much. Its just that few other people do.
The Ibiza of the South
I apologize to my sparse readership for not posting yesterday. I had to get a lot of work done and then attend yet another Himesh-and-Whiskey fueld party. Anyone who has ever been to an Indian party knows one thing, Indians love to party. The booze flows, the flirting is blatant, the dancing is free and the music is loud. Anyone who has helped organise a party for/with Indians knows another thing. Indians suck at organising parties. This stems from the basic fact that Indians are cheap.
On the way to the party, the organiser of the event (and birthday boy) asked me to get Coke for the party. He has already arranged to get Coke from several other (Indian) people, none of whom showed up with the amber mixer. This showcased both his, and their, cheapness. That was purely act one. Indians also believe in the dubious practice of BYOB (Bring Your Own Booze). This concept is unheard of in Sri Lanka. A person who throws a party better have his own booze (yes, even in Singapore, currency differential be fucked) or the partygoers are going to step in, wish him/her then step out. This brings me to the point of today's post. Sri Lankans can teach Indians how to party AND make money out of it. TOGETHER we will wholesale it.
Let us first establish the business fundamentals:
1. Indians have money, Sri Lankans dont. It therefore logically follows that:
2. Indians can afford to party and Sri Lankans cannot. But:
3. Sri Lankans know how to throw a good party and Indians dont. Therefore:
4. Sri Lanka should become an Indian party place, thereby freeing up Goa for the white people. Mutual benefit and multiple orgasms are to be had by all.
This is the implementation plan:
1. The new international airport at Weera-something will be used to facilitate cheap and frequent flights from India.
2. This entire area can then be made into a Tourism Zone. This means clubs and pubs galore. A legalised casino would also be a nice touch, if the local Buddhist monks are agree. I suggest that GOSL follow the American approach (to Red Indians) by offering the bald ones some equity in the casino.
3. Develop infrastructure around the airport and offer tax incentives for hotels and resorts.
4. Offer concessionary airline rates for Indian tourists (the visa on arrival scheme was a nice touch) and convince the slew of Indian domestic airlines to add Sri Lanka has a hub destination (which would also bring them closer to the SEA market).
5. Embark on a marketing campaign billing Sri Lanka has the cheapest and most happening place for Indians to holiday in.
My detractos will say this scheme is implausible as Sri Lanka is not safe at present. Well yes, but it takes five years to build the new airport anyway and my scheme can be implemented subsequently. Further, there is proof that rebranding a previosly-troubled area can be successful. The famous war-zones of Lebanon (until recently) and Serbia and Montenegro have made a name for themselves as hip locations to party with the international glitterati. James Bond himself visited Montenegro to play poker in Casino Royale.
It will might be a far off dream to host Mr. Bond in Lanka, but atleast we can atleast hope for a "Krish" or "Munna" in the years to come.
On the way to the party, the organiser of the event (and birthday boy) asked me to get Coke for the party. He has already arranged to get Coke from several other (Indian) people, none of whom showed up with the amber mixer. This showcased both his, and their, cheapness. That was purely act one. Indians also believe in the dubious practice of BYOB (Bring Your Own Booze). This concept is unheard of in Sri Lanka. A person who throws a party better have his own booze (yes, even in Singapore, currency differential be fucked) or the partygoers are going to step in, wish him/her then step out. This brings me to the point of today's post. Sri Lankans can teach Indians how to party AND make money out of it. TOGETHER we will wholesale it.
Let us first establish the business fundamentals:
1. Indians have money, Sri Lankans dont. It therefore logically follows that:
2. Indians can afford to party and Sri Lankans cannot. But:
3. Sri Lankans know how to throw a good party and Indians dont. Therefore:
4. Sri Lanka should become an Indian party place, thereby freeing up Goa for the white people. Mutual benefit and multiple orgasms are to be had by all.
This is the implementation plan:
1. The new international airport at Weera-something will be used to facilitate cheap and frequent flights from India.
2. This entire area can then be made into a Tourism Zone. This means clubs and pubs galore. A legalised casino would also be a nice touch, if the local Buddhist monks are agree. I suggest that GOSL follow the American approach (to Red Indians) by offering the bald ones some equity in the casino.
3. Develop infrastructure around the airport and offer tax incentives for hotels and resorts.
4. Offer concessionary airline rates for Indian tourists (the visa on arrival scheme was a nice touch) and convince the slew of Indian domestic airlines to add Sri Lanka has a hub destination (which would also bring them closer to the SEA market).
5. Embark on a marketing campaign billing Sri Lanka has the cheapest and most happening place for Indians to holiday in.
My detractos will say this scheme is implausible as Sri Lanka is not safe at present. Well yes, but it takes five years to build the new airport anyway and my scheme can be implemented subsequently. Further, there is proof that rebranding a previosly-troubled area can be successful. The famous war-zones of Lebanon (until recently) and Serbia and Montenegro have made a name for themselves as hip locations to party with the international glitterati. James Bond himself visited Montenegro to play poker in Casino Royale.
It will might be a far off dream to host Mr. Bond in Lanka, but atleast we can atleast hope for a "Krish" or "Munna" in the years to come.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Lessons from the high above
I dont mean Heaven, I mean Nepal (though some readers equate the two). Specifically, the lessons Nepal should be teaching Sri Lanka on how to run a peace deal and subsequent devolution of power:
1. India's influence is murky and unclear, though its determination to stop the Maoists is not. This gives all players wiggle room and gives India an exit strategy and makes their involement a non-issue domestically.
2. Nepali expatriates are keeping their wallets and their mouths shut. They do not agitate for skewed settlements and send vast sums of money for either side to rearm. This might be because Nepali expatriates are poor and stupid, but somehow I doubt that. It is because both sides of the conflict have gotten their message out effectively and there is an evenly balanced debate on the needs of a modern Nepal.
3. There is intense and serious focus on Human Rights. Nepalis, their media and politicians and local NGOs make human rights their priority, and are making changes that are still being debated upon in Sri Lanka. After the pre-coup curfew, there has been no draconian Emergency Laws, murdered journalists, people bundled into white vans or grenades chucked at newspaper offices. Ofcourse, being South Asia, the transition from coup to war to peace has not been without digusting instances of wanton hate and violence. Child soldiers have also been employed by the Maoists. However, these incidents are far fewer in nature and abuses less staggering than at any period during open war in Sri Lanka.
4. They finished it fast. Bloody hell, the Sri Lankan conflict has been dragging on for two decades. The Nepalis didnt even take one, being chronically poor, culturally proud, ideologically diverse and much less educated than Sri Lankans.
5. The Nepali people are interested in their own future. They didnt like the King, they protested and got rid of him. They didn't like the high-handness of the Maoists in Kathmandu, and they made the rebels beat a hasty retreat to their jungles.
Yes, Sri Lanka is a cooler, richer and more modern place than Nepal. Yet, Sri Lankans today are complacent and apathetic, simply living off the achievements of the past. We have to start caring to make sure that our nation does not become the basket-case of the region. We cant depend on other nations being MORE screwed anymore.
1. India's influence is murky and unclear, though its determination to stop the Maoists is not. This gives all players wiggle room and gives India an exit strategy and makes their involement a non-issue domestically.
2. Nepali expatriates are keeping their wallets and their mouths shut. They do not agitate for skewed settlements and send vast sums of money for either side to rearm. This might be because Nepali expatriates are poor and stupid, but somehow I doubt that. It is because both sides of the conflict have gotten their message out effectively and there is an evenly balanced debate on the needs of a modern Nepal.
3. There is intense and serious focus on Human Rights. Nepalis, their media and politicians and local NGOs make human rights their priority, and are making changes that are still being debated upon in Sri Lanka. After the pre-coup curfew, there has been no draconian Emergency Laws, murdered journalists, people bundled into white vans or grenades chucked at newspaper offices. Ofcourse, being South Asia, the transition from coup to war to peace has not been without digusting instances of wanton hate and violence. Child soldiers have also been employed by the Maoists. However, these incidents are far fewer in nature and abuses less staggering than at any period during open war in Sri Lanka.
4. They finished it fast. Bloody hell, the Sri Lankan conflict has been dragging on for two decades. The Nepalis didnt even take one, being chronically poor, culturally proud, ideologically diverse and much less educated than Sri Lankans.
5. The Nepali people are interested in their own future. They didnt like the King, they protested and got rid of him. They didn't like the high-handness of the Maoists in Kathmandu, and they made the rebels beat a hasty retreat to their jungles.
Yes, Sri Lanka is a cooler, richer and more modern place than Nepal. Yet, Sri Lankans today are complacent and apathetic, simply living off the achievements of the past. We have to start caring to make sure that our nation does not become the basket-case of the region. We cant depend on other nations being MORE screwed anymore.
Budget 2007
The fact that Budget 2007 wants to "cerate" a new Sri Lanka (page 7), illustrates the depths to which the GOSL's attention to detail and general professionalism have fallen. This blinding gaffe on an otherwise progressive and development-oriented budget illustrated the contrast between the soundness of the GOSL's big ideas (under any administration) and the stark stupidity of the subsequent implementation.
The Budget 2007 yields no real surprises. Mahinda continues to help his core constituency, the village poor by giving them access to the infrastructure that they need for industrial and agriculture production and to get these their goods to market. These policies are a rare mix of political skill and economic common sense. Improved and better distributed infrastructure will stimulate economic growth in a sustainable and equitable way. The budget deficit has also been narrowed (though it might have taken a warning from the IMF) by reducing incidental state expenditure, support for failing enterprises, imposing penalties on wasteful state organs and insisting that Ministries complete current projects before they are given more money. More interesting, though VAT on several goods has been repealed, income tax levels have been increased and an innovative new tax has been placed on public companies that do not pay atleast 15% dividends. I find this last an innovative solution to rampant agency problem in large Sri Lankan companies and a useful mechanism to stimulate capital market growth. Depsite my optimisim, it remains to be seen if all this fiscal tinkering (adjusting for graft and favour politics) can offset the rising cost of the war.
I find it interesting that Sri Lanka, under Mahinda, has taken a development path that many Indian bloggers advocate for India. These bloggers (www.indiauncut.com among them) claim that India's focus on technology and education is sidelining the poor in favour of producing high value technology and service exports. They argue that investment in physical infrastructure in the form of road, rail, port and airport services are more important to uplifting the standard of living for the whole country, not just for an educated elite. This seems to be Mahinda's vision for the future. I would be more optimistic about Sri Lanka's prospects if the LTTE wasnt' all out to spark their "final war". Despite his failings an English speaker, gentleman, politician and military strategist, I feel that Mahinda has hit upong a vein of gold as far as economic policy is concerned and I hope that the GOSL is given the confidence of the people to put the Budget into action.
As usual, it remains to be seen whether the fickle voting population and greedy politicians do not torpedo a solid economic plan.
The Budget 2007 yields no real surprises. Mahinda continues to help his core constituency, the village poor by giving them access to the infrastructure that they need for industrial and agriculture production and to get these their goods to market. These policies are a rare mix of political skill and economic common sense. Improved and better distributed infrastructure will stimulate economic growth in a sustainable and equitable way. The budget deficit has also been narrowed (though it might have taken a warning from the IMF) by reducing incidental state expenditure, support for failing enterprises, imposing penalties on wasteful state organs and insisting that Ministries complete current projects before they are given more money. More interesting, though VAT on several goods has been repealed, income tax levels have been increased and an innovative new tax has been placed on public companies that do not pay atleast 15% dividends. I find this last an innovative solution to rampant agency problem in large Sri Lankan companies and a useful mechanism to stimulate capital market growth. Depsite my optimisim, it remains to be seen if all this fiscal tinkering (adjusting for graft and favour politics) can offset the rising cost of the war.
I find it interesting that Sri Lanka, under Mahinda, has taken a development path that many Indian bloggers advocate for India. These bloggers (www.indiauncut.com among them) claim that India's focus on technology and education is sidelining the poor in favour of producing high value technology and service exports. They argue that investment in physical infrastructure in the form of road, rail, port and airport services are more important to uplifting the standard of living for the whole country, not just for an educated elite. This seems to be Mahinda's vision for the future. I would be more optimistic about Sri Lanka's prospects if the LTTE wasnt' all out to spark their "final war". Despite his failings an English speaker, gentleman, politician and military strategist, I feel that Mahinda has hit upong a vein of gold as far as economic policy is concerned and I hope that the GOSL is given the confidence of the people to put the Budget into action.
As usual, it remains to be seen whether the fickle voting population and greedy politicians do not torpedo a solid economic plan.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Coconut milk in my veins
No matter how Indian my speech patterns become, how much Himesh is on my phone and how many bahenchods pepper my vocabulary, I will still see, feel and hear through a Sri Lankan body. At this moment, my Sri Lankan body misses Coconut Milk (CM).
CM is used in almost every dish in Sri Lanka. It forms the liquid base to everything and happily absorbs tonnes of spices to produce a flavourful gravy with an almost chewy texture. It also gives spicy food a sweet kick that is bliss to a Lankan and bilge inducing to any other Sub-conti. Here my cooking knowledge ends and my yearning begins. There is no CM based curry or food in Singapore. Nothing good atleast. The locals use CM in laksa (noodles drowning in curry amongst jagged rocks of meat and vegetables) and in malay cuisine (most notably in nasi lemak, rice boiled in coocnut milk with a hunk of meat and an egg). The problem is that I despise noodles in any form and malay cooks are so lazy that they do not fry the egg that comes with nasi lemak. I will not pay near Rs. 200 for rice accompanied by a single piece of meat. All my Tamil ancestors will simultaneously turn into landmines under the soil of Jaffna and Batticaloa.
The white people in my audience will ask me to try Indian food then. Indian food, though with many subtle and overt charms, does not satisfy one's craving for CM food. The Indian food in Singapore comes from basically two regions North and South India. You get tandooried North Indian food or rice-and-dahl South Indian staples. Yes, its very tasty. North Indian food sends you to heaven and South Indian food could be the world's tastiest health food. But there's no CM anyway, and the albatross-rare CM curry you come across will be bland and mild. This all adds to pretty considerable culinary frustration. In my desperation, I asked my mother to send me her famous prawn curry, made (ofcourse) in rich CM curry. The thing spoilt during the night flight. After spending over half an hour wondering how much spoilt prawn could kill you, I tipped the contents into the waste paper basket. The last CM-curry-slathered prawn held on for a short second before meeting its doom. My stomach shook like a widow in mourning.
Why do I like CM so much you wonder (thank you for making it this far). Well, only CM food fills my belly to satisfaction. The gravy itself is a meal. After a lunch of rice, CM chicken curry, vegetables and pappadam ("papad" be damned) followed by a dessert of ice cream and curd, you are full to the brim. You are ready to pass out for your evening nap, serenaded to sleep by the "tak-a-ta-tak" of your ceiling fan.
Damn it, come to think of it, I miss ceiling fans too.
CM is used in almost every dish in Sri Lanka. It forms the liquid base to everything and happily absorbs tonnes of spices to produce a flavourful gravy with an almost chewy texture. It also gives spicy food a sweet kick that is bliss to a Lankan and bilge inducing to any other Sub-conti. Here my cooking knowledge ends and my yearning begins. There is no CM based curry or food in Singapore. Nothing good atleast. The locals use CM in laksa (noodles drowning in curry amongst jagged rocks of meat and vegetables) and in malay cuisine (most notably in nasi lemak, rice boiled in coocnut milk with a hunk of meat and an egg). The problem is that I despise noodles in any form and malay cooks are so lazy that they do not fry the egg that comes with nasi lemak. I will not pay near Rs. 200 for rice accompanied by a single piece of meat. All my Tamil ancestors will simultaneously turn into landmines under the soil of Jaffna and Batticaloa.
The white people in my audience will ask me to try Indian food then. Indian food, though with many subtle and overt charms, does not satisfy one's craving for CM food. The Indian food in Singapore comes from basically two regions North and South India. You get tandooried North Indian food or rice-and-dahl South Indian staples. Yes, its very tasty. North Indian food sends you to heaven and South Indian food could be the world's tastiest health food. But there's no CM anyway, and the albatross-rare CM curry you come across will be bland and mild. This all adds to pretty considerable culinary frustration. In my desperation, I asked my mother to send me her famous prawn curry, made (ofcourse) in rich CM curry. The thing spoilt during the night flight. After spending over half an hour wondering how much spoilt prawn could kill you, I tipped the contents into the waste paper basket. The last CM-curry-slathered prawn held on for a short second before meeting its doom. My stomach shook like a widow in mourning.
Why do I like CM so much you wonder (thank you for making it this far). Well, only CM food fills my belly to satisfaction. The gravy itself is a meal. After a lunch of rice, CM chicken curry, vegetables and pappadam ("papad" be damned) followed by a dessert of ice cream and curd, you are full to the brim. You are ready to pass out for your evening nap, serenaded to sleep by the "tak-a-ta-tak" of your ceiling fan.
Damn it, come to think of it, I miss ceiling fans too.
Arre do something yaar?
"Tamil rebels use Indian boats to smuggle weapons into Sri Lanka, government says" - http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2006/11/16/asia/AS_GEN_Sri_Lanka_India.php
Well yes, weapons among other things. According to UN publications, money, personnel, food/drink and training cross the Palk Strait to infect an already festering wound. It has been time India did something since the death of Rajiv Gandhi. That it has yet to make any meaningful contribution to Sri Lanka's peace process is a testament to the political strength of Tamil Nadu, the weakness of the Indian central government, the failure of diplomatic effort of GOSL and the stupidity of the Sri Lankan navy.
This being said, India today is a rich and powerful country fully capable of wiping out the Tigers. It is my view that Sri Lanka should appeal to this sentiment. The GOSL should point out that India and Sri Lanka share many facets of culture and trade and that India should not stand by and watch as its friendliest neighbour in the region disintegrates. Despite what most Sri Lankans think, Tamils are far from being even an importan minority in India. If the GOSL convinces the Indian people that they are failing an important civic duty to help a friend in need, real change in Indian policy is possible. Since the GOSL clearly lacks an effective PR firm, I will do my civic duty and offer the following advice:
1. Mount a major PR campaign in Tamil Nadu using Sri Lankan Tamils who would much rather prefer to live in a unified Sri Lanka over living in Eelam with Uncle Prabha and crowd. This will convince Indian voters that not all Tamils in non-LTTE areas are locked up in prisons being tortured.
2. Offer Tamil Nadu businesses major concessions on investment in the North and East. Tamils will choose money over bloodshed any day of the week.
3. Appeal to non-Tamil Indians (NTIs). Every NTI I have met has expressed disgust with the situation in Sri Lanka, and shame when presented with evidence of India's assistance to the LTTE. NTIs hate terrorists, having to deal with them in J&K and Assam. NTIs also cannot stand the concept of seperate Tamil State threatening India from within or without.
4. Threaten to use Pakistani assistance if India refuses to even make token concessions. Pakistan will relish the opportunity to place its men or money anywhere near Indian territory. The GOSL's recent purchase of arms from Pakistan (after being rebuffed by Delhi) is a sign that atleast some people in Temple Trees are thinking out of the box.
5. Anyone who compares www.dailynews.lk (GOSL) to www.tamilnet.com (LTTE) will be able to tell who's winning the war of words. Please please please learn to leverage electronic media to highlight LTTE atrocities. Every badly aimed bomb, shell and bullet that lodges itself in a Tamil body is made into global news by professional LTTE news websites. These sites keep expatriate Tamils involved in the conflict at the click of a button. Further, since only one side of the conflict is reported, expatriate Tamils have a very skewed perception of the situation. The GOSL must stop treating expatriate Tamils as exiled criminals and appeal to them on a daily basis, using cheap electronic mass media, to stop supporting the LTTE or at the very least pressure them towards peace.
6. Stop issuing angry rebukes at the UN, NGOs and international news agencies. They are already struggling to stay impartial in reporting this conflict, as the vast majority of their readership is Tamil. To aggravate them further is suicide. Recent news articles and NGO reports have painted a bleak picture of the GOSL, making a democratically elected government sound like the worst communist dictatorship. This negative press also influences the perceptions of white, black and brown foriegners, shaping politics and policy. A U.S Senator taking the risk of travelling to the Wanni highlights what an emotive subject the SL conflict can be for distant voters. It also highlights which side is getting their message across.
7. Out of jokes, use the Sri Lankan cricket team as a model of racial unity. Murali is the undisputed star of our team and the team loves him. India of all nations will latch on to this metaphor of harmony as they once fooled themselves into thinking Muslims were fully integrated when Azhar was captain.
I understand that it is much cheaper and faster to train and equip soliders than PR experts. But it is exactly this sort of PR and political effor that both the U.K government and the IRA employed to bring their conflict a close.
Sri Lanka needs to reach out now or it may never get another chance to grab that elusive dove of peace.
Well yes, weapons among other things. According to UN publications, money, personnel, food/drink and training cross the Palk Strait to infect an already festering wound. It has been time India did something since the death of Rajiv Gandhi. That it has yet to make any meaningful contribution to Sri Lanka's peace process is a testament to the political strength of Tamil Nadu, the weakness of the Indian central government, the failure of diplomatic effort of GOSL and the stupidity of the Sri Lankan navy.
This being said, India today is a rich and powerful country fully capable of wiping out the Tigers. It is my view that Sri Lanka should appeal to this sentiment. The GOSL should point out that India and Sri Lanka share many facets of culture and trade and that India should not stand by and watch as its friendliest neighbour in the region disintegrates. Despite what most Sri Lankans think, Tamils are far from being even an importan minority in India. If the GOSL convinces the Indian people that they are failing an important civic duty to help a friend in need, real change in Indian policy is possible. Since the GOSL clearly lacks an effective PR firm, I will do my civic duty and offer the following advice:
1. Mount a major PR campaign in Tamil Nadu using Sri Lankan Tamils who would much rather prefer to live in a unified Sri Lanka over living in Eelam with Uncle Prabha and crowd. This will convince Indian voters that not all Tamils in non-LTTE areas are locked up in prisons being tortured.
2. Offer Tamil Nadu businesses major concessions on investment in the North and East. Tamils will choose money over bloodshed any day of the week.
3. Appeal to non-Tamil Indians (NTIs). Every NTI I have met has expressed disgust with the situation in Sri Lanka, and shame when presented with evidence of India's assistance to the LTTE. NTIs hate terrorists, having to deal with them in J&K and Assam. NTIs also cannot stand the concept of seperate Tamil State threatening India from within or without.
4. Threaten to use Pakistani assistance if India refuses to even make token concessions. Pakistan will relish the opportunity to place its men or money anywhere near Indian territory. The GOSL's recent purchase of arms from Pakistan (after being rebuffed by Delhi) is a sign that atleast some people in Temple Trees are thinking out of the box.
5. Anyone who compares www.dailynews.lk (GOSL) to www.tamilnet.com (LTTE) will be able to tell who's winning the war of words. Please please please learn to leverage electronic media to highlight LTTE atrocities. Every badly aimed bomb, shell and bullet that lodges itself in a Tamil body is made into global news by professional LTTE news websites. These sites keep expatriate Tamils involved in the conflict at the click of a button. Further, since only one side of the conflict is reported, expatriate Tamils have a very skewed perception of the situation. The GOSL must stop treating expatriate Tamils as exiled criminals and appeal to them on a daily basis, using cheap electronic mass media, to stop supporting the LTTE or at the very least pressure them towards peace.
6. Stop issuing angry rebukes at the UN, NGOs and international news agencies. They are already struggling to stay impartial in reporting this conflict, as the vast majority of their readership is Tamil. To aggravate them further is suicide. Recent news articles and NGO reports have painted a bleak picture of the GOSL, making a democratically elected government sound like the worst communist dictatorship. This negative press also influences the perceptions of white, black and brown foriegners, shaping politics and policy. A U.S Senator taking the risk of travelling to the Wanni highlights what an emotive subject the SL conflict can be for distant voters. It also highlights which side is getting their message across.
7. Out of jokes, use the Sri Lankan cricket team as a model of racial unity. Murali is the undisputed star of our team and the team loves him. India of all nations will latch on to this metaphor of harmony as they once fooled themselves into thinking Muslims were fully integrated when Azhar was captain.
I understand that it is much cheaper and faster to train and equip soliders than PR experts. But it is exactly this sort of PR and political effor that both the U.K government and the IRA employed to bring their conflict a close.
Sri Lanka needs to reach out now or it may never get another chance to grab that elusive dove of peace.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Every argument has two sides
It is not every day I agree with a state newspaper, so please spare me you're liberal rantings. The article in question is the editorial "Double Standards" in the Daily News (www.dailynews.lk). In particular, I concur with this stand:
"The Security Forces and the Police/STF are named and shamed at the slightest opportunity, even without substantial proof. The Forces have been blamed for the Muttur aid workers' killings, the Pottuvil massacre and most recently the abduction of children in the East, even before any proper investigation could get underway.
On the other hand, the LTTE often gets a more sanitised treatment. These statements often say that the perpetrators have not been identified yet, that more evidence is needed or worse, a 'third party' could be responsible even in instances where the blame could be laid squarely on the LTTE's door."
Anyone who has paid even passing attention to the civil conflict in Sri Lanka will realise this statement is true. The UN, NGOs and the international press is particularly guilty of this malaise. I once complained to the BBC about the stance they take over extra-judicial killings and such, and was told that while the BBC strives to maintain impartiality, it is very hard to gather information on the ground, and thus they relied heavily on eyewitness reports.
Well ofcoure no-one is going to irritate a terrorist organisation that has thrived for over 26 years by killing off every opponent. Further, when pressed that the reporting was overly skewed towards reporting news of atrocities commited against Tamils, the BBC responded to me saying (in essence) that this was market driven since most of BBC's readers concerned with Sri Lanka are Tamils. While I applaud the BBC and other news organisations for their business prowess, I call into question their impartiality claim. When you report only one side of the conflict, especially its excesses, you give readers the impression that only one side commits atrocities and prolongs the conflict. The same idea applies to apportioning blame for atrocities. The UN, NGOs and the international press should either stick their neck out and blame the LTTE on the spot for atrocities bearing their hallmarks (suicide bombings, claymore attacks etc.) or show restraint when reporting on the GOSL or army behaviour.
Please note that I am not condoning the conduct of either side over the last two decades (even though I despise the LTTE). I am simply stating that BOTH sides in this conflict are bastards and it would be an injustice to claim otherwise.
"The Security Forces and the Police/STF are named and shamed at the slightest opportunity, even without substantial proof. The Forces have been blamed for the Muttur aid workers' killings, the Pottuvil massacre and most recently the abduction of children in the East, even before any proper investigation could get underway.
On the other hand, the LTTE often gets a more sanitised treatment. These statements often say that the perpetrators have not been identified yet, that more evidence is needed or worse, a 'third party' could be responsible even in instances where the blame could be laid squarely on the LTTE's door."
Anyone who has paid even passing attention to the civil conflict in Sri Lanka will realise this statement is true. The UN, NGOs and the international press is particularly guilty of this malaise. I once complained to the BBC about the stance they take over extra-judicial killings and such, and was told that while the BBC strives to maintain impartiality, it is very hard to gather information on the ground, and thus they relied heavily on eyewitness reports.
Well ofcoure no-one is going to irritate a terrorist organisation that has thrived for over 26 years by killing off every opponent. Further, when pressed that the reporting was overly skewed towards reporting news of atrocities commited against Tamils, the BBC responded to me saying (in essence) that this was market driven since most of BBC's readers concerned with Sri Lanka are Tamils. While I applaud the BBC and other news organisations for their business prowess, I call into question their impartiality claim. When you report only one side of the conflict, especially its excesses, you give readers the impression that only one side commits atrocities and prolongs the conflict. The same idea applies to apportioning blame for atrocities. The UN, NGOs and the international press should either stick their neck out and blame the LTTE on the spot for atrocities bearing their hallmarks (suicide bombings, claymore attacks etc.) or show restraint when reporting on the GOSL or army behaviour.
Please note that I am not condoning the conduct of either side over the last two decades (even though I despise the LTTE). I am simply stating that BOTH sides in this conflict are bastards and it would be an injustice to claim otherwise.
Dating Indian people
I think everyone should date an Indian atleast once in their life. Its like being strapped on to a rollercoaster for days, weeks, months, years at an end. Indian people are often beautiful inside/out/both and live every second with a person passion that is rare in other peoples. What is this "personal passion" nonsense i'm talking about? Talk to any Indian, and you will find that he/she is passionate about something. Money, sex, power, education or sport. They will pursue this passion to the fullest extent of their abilities and resources. You, as their significant other, will just be taken on the ride. Sometimes as a passenger, sometimes as the wheels, sometimes in the carriage trying to catch up.
Dating an Indian will give you an innate and deep psychic sense. You will begin to see boredom in a smile, love in a frown, irritation in laughter. Counter-intuitive shit I tell you. You will also know the true meaning of addiction. You will tolerate immense quantities of abuse, confusion and cultural oddities just for the pure joy of being with your Indian, and receiving what they have to offer. You will be more stoned/spaced out/smashed than the richest junkie and feel the depths of withdrawal worse than a poppy eating dog. You will also find yourself morphing into the stereotypical indian villager/urbanite/intellectual (depending on you're Indian). Yes, you're culture, even White people's, will have no say in the matter. Eventually, you will become Indian too and the only option you will have left, is to pick which kind. I chose Punjabi (sexy buggers).
You will love every second of it and keep coming back for more.
P.S If I hynotised anyone with all the "You will" then "You will deposite one millionnnnnn dollars in my bank account" *chew on pinky finger*
Dating an Indian will give you an innate and deep psychic sense. You will begin to see boredom in a smile, love in a frown, irritation in laughter. Counter-intuitive shit I tell you. You will also know the true meaning of addiction. You will tolerate immense quantities of abuse, confusion and cultural oddities just for the pure joy of being with your Indian, and receiving what they have to offer. You will be more stoned/spaced out/smashed than the richest junkie and feel the depths of withdrawal worse than a poppy eating dog. You will also find yourself morphing into the stereotypical indian villager/urbanite/intellectual (depending on you're Indian). Yes, you're culture, even White people's, will have no say in the matter. Eventually, you will become Indian too and the only option you will have left, is to pick which kind. I chose Punjabi (sexy buggers).
You will love every second of it and keep coming back for more.
P.S If I hynotised anyone with all the "You will" then "You will deposite one millionnnnnn dollars in my bank account" *chew on pinky finger*
Kumar Sangakkara
"Kumar Sangakkara, a vital member of the Sri Lankan side and one of the most articulate cricketers in the world, is now a Cricinfo columnist. "
He's come a long way, and its refreshing to see a sportsman earn his bread by doing more than modelling hair gel. I used to hate him. Gasp. Yes I did. I thought that he represented everything that was wrong with Sri Lanka. He was loud, he was overly intellectual and he talked too much. But he surprised me and a lot of his early detractors. He shows remarkable maturity in his batting, and is Sri Lanka's answer to Tendulkar, Ponting and Lara. He also is a remarkable keeper, standing up to Chaminda Vaas and reading Murali's doosra on a daily basis. More importantly, he has matured mentally. He now seems more humble and talks about learning and commitment in every second sentence. He has finally grown into a cricketer worthy of being called a role model.
This fortunate as role models are in short supply in Sri Lanka these days.
He's come a long way, and its refreshing to see a sportsman earn his bread by doing more than modelling hair gel. I used to hate him. Gasp. Yes I did. I thought that he represented everything that was wrong with Sri Lanka. He was loud, he was overly intellectual and he talked too much. But he surprised me and a lot of his early detractors. He shows remarkable maturity in his batting, and is Sri Lanka's answer to Tendulkar, Ponting and Lara. He also is a remarkable keeper, standing up to Chaminda Vaas and reading Murali's doosra on a daily basis. More importantly, he has matured mentally. He now seems more humble and talks about learning and commitment in every second sentence. He has finally grown into a cricketer worthy of being called a role model.
This fortunate as role models are in short supply in Sri Lanka these days.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Blog-Clog same thing
The word blog doesnt exist in the cellphone dictionary. Typing "blog" into an SMS will result in "clog" being displayed. Try it. I find this ironic as clog is exactly what blogs will do in the long run.
As more users of the internet are drawn to blogs, we will see a proliferation of these pages. This will eventually result in some form of concerted commercial venture to access this large reader base. Inevitably, this will spawn myriad forms of advertisments and other annoyances. We will one day be receiving spam advertising mystupidideas.com and lastnightsexualescapades.com.in.
My solution to this is an online application called a "delete referendum". Let me explain my epiphany:
1. Every blog poster will need to pose a deletion quota.
2. A reader can use the delete referendum to start a motion to delete a particular blog.
3. Other readers can vote using the delete referendum/
4. If the number of votes to delete the blog reaches/exceeds the deletion quota set by the blogger.
This system will obviously only work if posters use a reasonable deletion quota (i.e are genuinely interested in the quality of their work). Well, I for one, set a deletion quota of 10 close friends or 25 acquintances. Please vote by commenting on this post.
Please dont delete me no?
As more users of the internet are drawn to blogs, we will see a proliferation of these pages. This will eventually result in some form of concerted commercial venture to access this large reader base. Inevitably, this will spawn myriad forms of advertisments and other annoyances. We will one day be receiving spam advertising mystupidideas.com and lastnightsexualescapades.com.in.
My solution to this is an online application called a "delete referendum". Let me explain my epiphany:
1. Every blog poster will need to pose a deletion quota.
2. A reader can use the delete referendum to start a motion to delete a particular blog.
3. Other readers can vote using the delete referendum/
4. If the number of votes to delete the blog reaches/exceeds the deletion quota set by the blogger.
This system will obviously only work if posters use a reasonable deletion quota (i.e are genuinely interested in the quality of their work). Well, I for one, set a deletion quota of 10 close friends or 25 acquintances. Please vote by commenting on this post.
Please dont delete me no?
Culture in a teacup
A lot can be said about a nation through its food and drink. While almost every nation in Asia has its own food (yes you poor Singaporeans, you have national food too), the national drink of the continent can easily said to be tea. This does not mean that tea tells us nothing about Asia, because tea is a complicated bugger. It can be drunk black and without sugar, black, green or herbal, mixed with milk or with a drop or two of lemon. Every nation in Asia drinks it differently, and these are my observations:
India : tea drinking styles that reflect the (in)famous land of contrast. The brilliant darjeeling and assam teas, drunk black or white in high style in posh homes. The cheap mass produced tea grown God-knows-where cut and cooled by a street vendor and poured into the cups of the grateful on trains and streets everywhere. Even beggars have their mysterious polythene bag of tea. The way tea is drunk in India, is a testament to the nation's diversity and pragmatism.
Sri Lanka: Famous for one of the world's best black teas. Like India however, the country produces vastly different quality of tea. The black estate tea served in Colombo's five star hotels, packaged by the colonials (Tetley and Twinings), is the original deal, drunk by connosieurs all over the world. The packaged tea bags from Dilmah (the buggers who sponsor the Sri Lankan cricket team) are 3-cups-a-day sustenance for the island's middle class and people who want a touch of the exotic in their daily cuppa. Finally, but most fun, is the sweet, milky brew of cheap tea that is offered in Government offices, businesses and humbler (or stingy) homes.
Singapore: The land of efficiency and convenience has also imprinted itself on tea. Teh, Teh-O and Teh-C are variations of a sweet, cheap tea made in under 10 seconds by old women at food courts, using condensed milk and served in sturdy porcelain cups or taken away in plastic cups. I find this tea cute and uplifting (actually sipping a cup of it in class right now), though it is often subject to humilation by Singaporeans who pour it over ice (demeaning the beverage into icy vomit). The island also abounds with packaged tea of all colours and flavours in bottles and tetra packs. One can find a bewildering array of jasmine, herbal, fruit flavoured and iced teas in Singapore, one of which is is bound to catch you're fancy (my favourite is Ice Peach tea).
There you go, I'll post more tea tales when I've been to more countries. You're donations are welcome.
India : tea drinking styles that reflect the (in)famous land of contrast. The brilliant darjeeling and assam teas, drunk black or white in high style in posh homes. The cheap mass produced tea grown God-knows-where cut and cooled by a street vendor and poured into the cups of the grateful on trains and streets everywhere. Even beggars have their mysterious polythene bag of tea. The way tea is drunk in India, is a testament to the nation's diversity and pragmatism.
Sri Lanka: Famous for one of the world's best black teas. Like India however, the country produces vastly different quality of tea. The black estate tea served in Colombo's five star hotels, packaged by the colonials (Tetley and Twinings), is the original deal, drunk by connosieurs all over the world. The packaged tea bags from Dilmah (the buggers who sponsor the Sri Lankan cricket team) are 3-cups-a-day sustenance for the island's middle class and people who want a touch of the exotic in their daily cuppa. Finally, but most fun, is the sweet, milky brew of cheap tea that is offered in Government offices, businesses and humbler (or stingy) homes.
Singapore: The land of efficiency and convenience has also imprinted itself on tea. Teh, Teh-O and Teh-C are variations of a sweet, cheap tea made in under 10 seconds by old women at food courts, using condensed milk and served in sturdy porcelain cups or taken away in plastic cups. I find this tea cute and uplifting (actually sipping a cup of it in class right now), though it is often subject to humilation by Singaporeans who pour it over ice (demeaning the beverage into icy vomit). The island also abounds with packaged tea of all colours and flavours in bottles and tetra packs. One can find a bewildering array of jasmine, herbal, fruit flavoured and iced teas in Singapore, one of which is is bound to catch you're fancy (my favourite is Ice Peach tea).
There you go, I'll post more tea tales when I've been to more countries. You're donations are welcome.
Losing the moral high ground
The UN just uncovered that the Sri Lankan army assists the Karuna faction (see P.S 1) to recruit child soldiers. Now, if this is true, it is a right royal dildo up the ass for Sri Lanka's international cause. This is because it results in the GOSL (see P.S 2) losing its hold on the moral high ground (a grip that is tenous at the best of times). As I continue to post, you will determine that I am a v. pro GOSL Sri Lankan. I think the Tigers dont remotely represent the aspirations of the Tamil people and are every man's guerillas and fool's freedom fighters. They invented the suicide bomb, use child soldiers, assasinate elected officials (not always a bad thing) and extort expatriate Tamils. However, the GOSL also does all these things. Except recruiting child soldiers. Until Now. Sigh. We really are fucked.
I can just imagine Mr. and Mrs. Rajalagapillaianathanapulle in London or New York, coming across the UN report while they check on their portfolio or the newest restaurant openings. "Mara shit this is no men. These kokis chewing sinhala bastards are recruiting Tamil children. Our brothers and sisters men. How can we sit here men and let this go unpunished. Lets send some money to that Illagasingamapragasm fellow, he has solid connections with the Tiger buggers". At this point, an elightened member of the family, an "Annah" or "Thambi", will complain "but the Tigers also recruit child soldiers no men. Dont make the conflict worse by sending money no? Besides, the bose speakers in my room just broke". He will be shot down by protests that "children in LTTE areas fight cos they have no choice and they want to kill those kiribath munching Sinhala fuckers". The son will storm off to his room and kick in his speakers, his parents will send the money to the Tigers, and they will all go see Switzerland next summer (never Sri Lankan men, that Selvamuthumali bugger always asks for money no).
The GOSL needs to stop this vicious cycle, cos its not that funny. Expatriate Sri Lankans need to be convinced that the war is not a big joke, that sending the LTTE money makes things worse and they could be playing a much more constructive role in the development of the country (and get a beach house and decent stock returns in the process). This is why the GOSL needs a decent public relations firm and military commanders who have more than two spare neurons.
P.S 1 - The Karuna faction is a breakaway faction of the LTTE who fight the LTTE in the East of Sri Lanka.
P.S 2 - Government of Sri Lanka.
Translations
-------------
"Annah" is big brother
"Thambi" is little brother
Tamils are known for their damn long names. Watch Russel Peters for a full explanation of this phenomenon.
I can just imagine Mr. and Mrs. Rajalagapillaianathanapulle in London or New York, coming across the UN report while they check on their portfolio or the newest restaurant openings. "Mara shit this is no men. These kokis chewing sinhala bastards are recruiting Tamil children. Our brothers and sisters men. How can we sit here men and let this go unpunished. Lets send some money to that Illagasingamapragasm fellow, he has solid connections with the Tiger buggers". At this point, an elightened member of the family, an "Annah" or "Thambi", will complain "but the Tigers also recruit child soldiers no men. Dont make the conflict worse by sending money no? Besides, the bose speakers in my room just broke". He will be shot down by protests that "children in LTTE areas fight cos they have no choice and they want to kill those kiribath munching Sinhala fuckers". The son will storm off to his room and kick in his speakers, his parents will send the money to the Tigers, and they will all go see Switzerland next summer (never Sri Lankan men, that Selvamuthumali bugger always asks for money no).
The GOSL needs to stop this vicious cycle, cos its not that funny. Expatriate Sri Lankans need to be convinced that the war is not a big joke, that sending the LTTE money makes things worse and they could be playing a much more constructive role in the development of the country (and get a beach house and decent stock returns in the process). This is why the GOSL needs a decent public relations firm and military commanders who have more than two spare neurons.
P.S 1 - The Karuna faction is a breakaway faction of the LTTE who fight the LTTE in the East of Sri Lanka.
P.S 2 - Government of Sri Lanka.
Translations
-------------
"Annah" is big brother
"Thambi" is little brother
Tamils are known for their damn long names. Watch Russel Peters for a full explanation of this phenomenon.
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